Reasons Why Some Spouses Remain in an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence is a serious and yet hushed problem. The more we understand the issue, the better we can help victims in abusive relationships. In most cases of domestic violence, the battered spouse has been physically and emotionally abused, leaving them with little to no self-confidence. Their psyche has been altered until they perceive that there is no out in the relationship. It is important that you understand that by asking victims why they stay in an abusive relationship, you are re-victimizing them. Instead, make them feel empowered by using supportive statements, such as "I know this is hard, but I know you are strong enough to get out."



If you know of anyone in an abusive relationship, encourage them to call the National Domestic Violence hotline to find the resources closest to them.

Fear

Fear is the number one reason why some spouses stay in an abusive relationship. Often people think that a spouse will be safer when they leave the relationship; however, this has proven time and time again to not be the case. Women are more likely to be killed or severally beaten by their spouse if they leave the relationship and are found by their former spouse.

It is important for abused spouses in this situation to develop a safety plan. Gather all your important documents, phone numbers, money and anything else you might need if you have to leave suddenly and can't come back.

Lack of Resources

The second reason why so many spouses stay in abusive relationships is because they have nowhere else to go. Even if they do, they have no means to get there. Many abused spouses are not only physically abused, but also financially. They most likely do not have access to finances or a means of transportation. Also, abusers isolate their spouses from friends and family until the victim has nowhere else to turn. And not every city or county has a domestic violence shelter for the abused spouse to seek refuge in once they leave or counselors to help them figure out how to leave.

Societal Pressure

Divorce is a social stigma in most cultures. Society teaches us from a very young age that marriages should be made to last and those who quit them are unfit individuals. Elders advice us to stick through the problems because marriage is for the long haul. While this may be sound advice for minor marital problems, it is often the mentality that causes abused spouses to stay in the marriage.

The abuser often puts on a public face that is vastly different from his private life. He has the appearance of being the perfect spouse in front of friends, family and co-workers. When the abused spouse wants to leave the relationship, she often faces disbelief from her friends and family. Friends and family can side with the abuser, not knowing what he is really like at home.

Children

Having children makes it harder to leave. Abusive spouses are not always abusive to their children. Many spouses say that while their spouse was abusive to them, she would never lay a hand on her children. The abused spouse does not want to deprive the children of their other parent and often sacrifices his own safety and happiness for his children. Children also can make the leaving process difficult. Some shelters do not accept children of certain ages and, therefore, the spouse cannot seek refuge there. Children have to attend school and if the spouse needs to flee the state, moving with children can be difficult.

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