Define Teen Violence

Teens grow up fast in our world today. Sometimes, they're forced to grow up too fast when they become involved in a dating relationship that becomes coercive, violent and controlling. Boys can just as easily be the victim in a violent dating relationship as girls can. Boys and girls alike don't understand that the abuse is their partner's attempt to exert control over them and is not a sign of love.

Violence between two teens involved in a dating relationship is called a "pattern" of abusive behaviors. The abusive teen uses these behaviors to gain control, or power, over the dating partner. He also may use these behaviors to maintain control over a former girlfriend. Four types of dating violence are defined. The first, verbal, involves threats to the girlfriend or her family, putdowns, yelling or name calling. The second is physical, which involves hitting, hair-pulling, slapping, punching, pinching or shoving. The third is emotional and involves telling the girlfriend how she can dress, expressing a high degree of jealousy, stalking, calling or texting frequently so the abuser can keep "track" of his girlfriend. The fourth type is sexual, which includes forcing the girlfriend to have unwanted sex, touching or kissing her when she does not want to and not allowing her to use birth control.

While teen dating violence is similar to adult domestic violence, there are differences. Because teens don't have much experience in romantic relationships, they may not recognize that something is wrong. For instance, the teen who is confronted with jealousy may mistake that for his girlfriend's love for him.
Teen girls who experience dating violence are more likely to feel emotional pain and fear, whereas the male who is subjected to teen dating violence may become angry or try to shrug or laugh it off.
The teen who is being victimized by dating violence may not reveal this because he is ashamed or afraid of being discovered. He may fear that his girlfriend will "get back at him" for disclosing the abuse. He also may still have a real emotional attachment to the girl despite her abuse. Most say they are afraid their friends, classmates and peers will lose respect if they reveal the fact that they are the victim of dating violence.

A warning sign is when the teen seems afraid of her boyfriend, apologizes for his behavior and seems to be excessively controlled by him. She is the target of his verbal insults and criticisms. She may be losing interest in activities that were once important to her. Her behavior and/or appearance has suddenly changed. She may be emotionally distraught and break down frequently.

The teenager's doctor can be a valuable resource if his family is concerned about a potentially violent dating relationship. He can observe the teen and look for symptoms of distress that could potentially stem from a violent relationship. The doctor can ask the teen if he is experiencing anxiety, abdominal or pelvic pain, depression or if his performance at school has gone down. The doctor also can look for physical signs of abuse or violence, including cuts, bruising, lacerations to the torso or face, multiple injuries, broken bones and injuries that happen over a period of time.

Here is a short list of questions teens should ask themselves about their dating relationships if someone expresses concern and they begin to wonder why they are being treated so badly:

Does my boyfriend/girlfriend . . . make me feel bad about myself?
Make me stay at home while she goes out?
Does he cheat on me?
Does she text or call me to check up on me and know who I am with?
Does he hit, slap or punch me?
Does she tell me her treatment of me is "my" fault?
Does he call me names and tell me I'm "too sensitive" or he was "just kidding"?

Focus Adolescent Services: Teen Violence
www.focusas.com/Violence.html
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