How to Get a Guy to Let Go

Breakups are painful experiences that may take time to overcome. When one person refuses to let go of the relationship it can be especially difficult for both parties. If you're in a relationship with a guy who is struggling to let go, take specific steps to help him release the relationship.

Instructions

Do not see him. It may be tempting post breakup to visit an ex; however, when he is struggling to let go, seeing you will only give him false hope and reignite painful feelings. Instead keep your distance and allow time for him to heal and to move on before trying to forge a friendship.

Create specific boundaries. At the end of the relationship, let him know what to expect for the future. This is especially important if you share a home, finances or other items. Be prepared to accommodate his needs in order to help him move on more easily, which may include letting him keep certain possessions. Expectations should also be set for future contact including phone calls and visits.

Avoid places that the two of you went together. According to the 2001 article, "The Neuroscience for Relationship Breakups," published in Psychology Today, people who have been rejected by their partner often experience similar feelings to an individual who has dealt with trauma. A rejected boyfriend may ruminate and develop obsessive thinking. Many of these behaviors are triggered when he encounters places that he went with his girlfriend. Therefore, it is best after a breakup to avoid (when possible) visiting his favorite coffee shop or running in the park by his apartment.

Step into his shoes. Encouraging an ex to let go of the relationship can be made easier if you see the relationship and breakup from his perspective. Jeffrey P. Whitman Ph.D., in an article for Divorce Magazine, advises readers to "trade eyeballs," with their ex, or in other words, view things from his viewpoint. He explains that seeing your ex's outlook, reminds you of his humanity and overcomes communication barriers.

Ask for support. In the course of relationships, most people get to know their partner's family and friends. Call the people in your ex's life that can help him move forward. Be kind and let them know that you're intentions are to ease his pain, but that you are not capable of helping him at this stage in your breakup. Choose relatives and friends who can be discreet so that your request does not further upset him.

Do not display a new relationship. Some people move on from breakups quickly; however, if one partner is still grieving the previous relationship, new partners should not be flaunted. If you have a new boyfriend, choose to spend time with him in places that you are unlikely to encounter your ex. Consider keeping your new relationship private and telling only those friends and family who are not in contact with your ex boyfriend.

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