How to Break Up With Someone Who You Love But Doesn't Make You Happy

Breaking up with someone you still love but who doesn't make you happy is perhaps the hardest kind of breakup. There are many reasons why you might want to end a relationship with someone you love. Perhaps the romance is gone, but you still get along as friends. Perhaps your life goals are incompatible/ You might want children, while your partner prefers to remain child-free. Whatever your reasons for breaking up, you must understand why you are choosing to end the relationship, communicate honestly and respectfully, and establish boundaries for future interactions.

Instructions

Write in a journal or diary your thoughts about why the relationship is not making you happy. This will help you to decide whether you wish to end the relationship or if the problems in the relationship can be solved on your own or with the help of a therapist.

Choose a comfortable time and place to talk. You and your partner should both be relatively relaxed and ready for honest, respectful communication. Ask your partner whether it's a good time to talk. If she's just walked in the door after a stressful day, it may not be the best time. Talk to your partner face-to-face rather than via, phone, email or text if possible.

Tell your partner that although you still care for him, the relationship is no longer fulfilling your needs. Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements. For example, "I'm no longer happy" rather than "you don't make me happy." Avoid accusatory statements ("you're not supportive enough") and vague generalizations ("it's not you, it's me.")

Listen to your partner's concerns and feelings without interrupting or contradicting her. Avoid such behaviors as rolling your eyes or tapping your foot that might show impatience or annoyance. Even if the decision is not mutual, your partner still deserves kindness and respect.

Establish boundaries for the coming days, weeks and months. After a serious relationship ends, you may need to avoid communication for a while in order for feelings of anger or sadness to subside.

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