How to Take No for an Answer

Dating is rife with rejection. If you're looking for love, you're going to get rejected. It's an unavoidable part of the process. But just because you hear "no" one or two or ten hundred times, doesn't mean you're headed to love's no man's land. It is my hope that these tips help you take no for an answer while keeping your hopes up that you will find the love you desire.

Instructions

Don't let them see you sweat. There is an episode in the television sitcom, "Seinfeld," in which a woman Jerry is dating breaks up with him over lunch at their favorite diner. Jerry does not cause a fight, break into tears or plead, "Why are you doing this?" Instead, he remains calm and says something along the lines of: "It was great getting to know you for a while. Thanks." Then he pays his portion of the bill and walks out while his ex-girlfriend sits stunned that he did not react more feverishly. When you get turned down asking somebody out, respond politely, stay cool and flee the scene with ease.

Learn to read between the lines. So you finally get up the nerve to ask out the person you've been eying and he or she says, "Um. Well. OK. Yeah. Maybe that might work." Then the two of you play phone tag for a week and eventually set up a date to meet for coffee, but then he or she cancels and says something like, "I'm really busy right now. Can we take a rain check?" Bottom line? If somebody is excited to get together with you, he or she will make it happen. Busyness never stands in the way of true love. Learn to decipher mixed messages and know when "maybe" means "no."

Allow people the right to change their minds. Anybody, at any moment, for any reason (or for no reason at all), has the right to change his or her mind about anything. Just because somebody professes to feel one thing and act one way today, doesn't mean he or she will feel or act that same way tomorrow.

Don't get mad, move on. When you get turned down, don't keep going back, trying to change the other person's mind. Don't call. Don't text. Don't read her Facebook wall searching for clues as to why she turned you down. Don't "randomly happen" to show up at his favorite bar. Move forward and put your energies toward somebody else.

Leave your ego out of it. People will say "no" for all sorts of reasons that have nothing to do with you. People live complicated lives filled with all sorts of things that can cause them to turn you down, so don't take it personally when you hear the word "no." Instead, make this your mantra: "It's not me. It's you."

Remember, everybody hears, "No." No matter how beautiful, smart, kind and accomplished you are, you will get turned down. I have a friend who is a fashion model with a great personality. She is not the type you would think gets rejected, but she does. Often!

Know that if it isn't right for the other person, it isn't right for you either. You don't want to be with somebody who isn't excited about the prospect of spending time with you. Mutual interest is what keeps a relationship going for the long term. So be thankful when somebody turns you down. It means you are closer to finding a person who is right for you.

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