How to Embrace Rejection

In the past several weeks I have been rejected by three potential employers, two guys I've been casually dating, a friend who didn't include me on the Evite for a girls' night out and an editor who referred to my article pitch as "lackluster." I'd be lying if I told you that all of this didn't leave a serious bruise on my psyche. I feel like crawling in bed, pulling the covers over my head and staying put until summer. I know, though, that rejection is a part of life and that no person ever grew stronger, smarter, wiser, richer, kinder by remaining in comfort zone cruise control. To reach our dreams, we much branch out. And when we branch out, we are certain to be rejected. Here are some tips to ensure that rejection doesn't leave you paralyzed with self-doubt and fear.

Instructions

Get rejected early and often. Eliminating the wrong options is the only way to discover the right ones. The more rejections you get, the closer you'll be to walking your perfect path. So get out there and get rejected!

Do not buy a ticket! "A ticket for what?" you ask. A ticket for the Stupid Self Doubt Symphony performing its much-loved rendition of "Concerto You Suck." OK, I'm being metaphorical here, but I know you know what I'm talking about. The instant you get rejected those internal voices of insecurity begin belting out their favorite tune, "You are stupid. You are ugly. You don't deserve love. Nobody likes you. You are never going to achieve anything. You are a pathetic loser." Don't give these voices one more instant of your limited listening power. Don't buy a ticket. Don't jump on board. Just don't even go there.

Throw a pity party...and then quickly move on. Acknowledge your disappointment. Lean into your letdown. Unresolved sadness has a way of jumping up and knocking you on your rear when you least expect it. It's better to make peace with it now than later. Cry. Scream. Take a nap. Take a bath. Take a hike. Once you've grieved, move on. It's closing time. The lights are on. The party is over. Go home. Get a life.

Chalk it up to opinion. There are as many opinions as there are people, and no opinion is more accurate than another. My most recently published book was rejected for a year straight with publishers and agents asserting, "Your book isn't relevant." I did eventually sell the book, and today I receive a letter from a new reader nearly every week thanking me for the book's message. Obviously my book is quite relevant for many people. Opinions are everywhere and you're bound to find a new one simply by turning the corner. Seek perspectives that lift you higher and don't put too much stock in the ones that cut you down.

Be open to growth. With every rejection comes an opportunity to learn and improve ourselves. The key is to remain objective. If you indulge emotion or polarize the situation by saying things like, "My rejecter is right. I am wrong," you are bound to remain stuck. Instead ask yourself, "How can I grow from this rejection?" Don't beat yourself up, but do be honest. Be willing to examine it all deeply. Take what helps you grow and leave the rest.

See that you are standing on both sides of the coin. We are all always rejecting and being rejected simultaneously. In these past several weeks, not only have I experienced rejection by the bucket load, I also turned down two jobs, a date request and three party invitations. If you are alive, you are going to be the rejecter at some point and the rejected at some point. It's part of the human experience and you've got no choice in the matter. Seeing it this way can help put your rejection in perspective.

Know when to say when. There's that saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result." While it's essential to not let rejection discourage you from pursuing your passions, it is also essential not to get stuck repeating the same detrimental patterns over and over again. If you are continually being rejected for the same reasons, take a step back, reevaluate your approach, seek input from trusted allies and then dive back in with a new plan.

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