The Relationship Ladder Theory

The ladder theory of relationships is largely a pop-culture phenomenon. It is not a scientific theory, but is largely based on gender stereotypes, for better or worse. Most of what the ladder theory holds to is that first impressions often dictate the remainder of the relationship and are nearly impossible to escape completely.

A ladder is merely a ranking system. Few doubt that ranking systems matter when people first meet each other. The difference here is that men and women supposedly have two different systems, making them, ultimately, incompatible. Physical attraction is important to both sexes, but a woman has a slightly more complex rating system. Either way, what is stressed in ladder theory is first impressions, the initial encounter, and the nearly instantaneous and subconscious rating system.

Men have a single ladder made up of physical attractiveness and the perception of the willingness of the woman to have sex. These two variables work together on the same "physical" ladder, the only one men have. They are two types of the very same thing: sex based on physical attractiveness.

Women have several ladders. While physical attraction is a large portion of how women evaluate men, most of the remainder is based on two concepts: novelty and competition. Novelty refers to a woman evaluating a man as radically different than most men she knows, hence increasing the attraction. Competition is a challenge, and decreases the attraction. Competition is when a woman is forced to woo a man who is distracted by other things, especially many other sexual or relationship options.

Because the ladder theory is not scientific, information about it is largely confined to blogs and pop-culture websites. It is not a scholarly idea, and often borders on satire. Men are seen as sex-crazed oafs, and women as slightly less so, because they are worried about other things in addition to attractiveness. The basic thesis is that men will sleep with just about anyone they find attractive, whether longtime friend or causal acquaintance. On the other hand, women have a stricter typology of relationships, where friends remain friends (despite attractiveness) while romantic partners are exclusively kept on the romance list. For the former, attractiveness means nothing, for the latter, it remains a powerful stimulant.

For men, the primary benefit of ladder theory is to give unattractive men hope. Because women base roughly 40 to 50 percent of their initial evaluation of a man on looks, that leaves almost a majority of the attraction up to other ingredients. Unattractive women are in trouble according to this theory, as the physical part plays too large of a role for men. Therefore, for ugly men, the advice of this theory is to stress distinctiveness, intelligence and a full life to attract women. This is important to them. On the other hand, ugly women can partially compensate for the lack of looks by appearing to be ready for sex at all times.

If ladder theory is true, or even partly true, it is reasonable to conclude that looks and physical attractiveness matter, for both sexes together, in about 75 percent of all initial evaluations of potential dating partners.

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