How Can I End My Relationship With My Boyfriend?

Deciding to break up with your boyfriend can be confusing, painful and scary, so when it's time to move on you need strength, clarity, compassion and patience. While knowing exactly what to say and do can be difficult when you need to end a relationship with someone you have cared about, following a few rules and guidelines can make the process a bit easier.

Instructions

Choose the right time. Sometimes the timing of a breakup is unavoidable, but often you have known of your desire to leave the relationship for some time. This prior knowledge gives you control over when you decide to have the conversation. It is best not to do it before or on a major holiday such as Valentine's Day, his birthday or Christmas. This will only exacerbate the loneliness you both may have to deal with post-breakup. It is best to do it at a time when the two of you can be in the same physical space together and when you, personally, are feeling as emotionally calm and clear-headed as possible.

A quiet, private space is suitable for a breakup conversation.

Choose an appropriate place. To avoid humiliating him, do not confront him in front of people you both know. Avoid breaking up at a party or at school. A breakup is a private affair and should be handled with dignity and respect. A neutral place, like a sparsely populated park, works well because after the conversation ends, you can both go your separate ways. This site will give you privacy, but you won't feel trapped. Going to his house can work, too, but be aware that he may want you to stay for longer than you would like. It is also a good idea to schedule an appointment somewhere so you don't get stuck talking in circles or listening to him keep asking you to change your mind. If you are worried that the conversation might turn into a loud argument, it is smart to find a venue that is more public, like a restaurant or coffee shop. A setting like this won't be humiliating because it's likely no one you know will be there, but other people will be present, and their presence will discourage a loud argument.

Meet him personally. While it is easier and less scary to deal with difficult issues over the phone, via email or text, or even in a letter, it is inappropriate and disrespectful to refuse to meet in person. Often the process of getting over someone, obtaining closure and moving on is very hard to do, so breaking up in person, where he can see your face and hear your tone of voice, may aid that transition.

Speak as truthfully and honestly as possible. Give him all of the reasons you are leaving unless they are mean and hurtful. If they will do nothing but hurt his feelings, it is better to keep them to yourself. If you feel you really need to share them, phrase them in a sensitive way. For example, if you don't find him attractive anymore, don't tell him that. Instead, explain that the chemistry between the two of you isn't quite right.

Never allow a breakup to become physically violent.

Remain calm despite his reaction. You never know how your boyfriend is going to react when you finally decide to end things. He may cry, yell, accuse you of things or say things to hurt your feelings. Know that he is reacting out of fear and from being hurt, and try to remain in control. His escalating emotions should not affect your sense of certainty about your decision to end things and your sensitivity and composure while doing so.

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