Techniques to Reduce Dysfunctional Conflict

Every relationship goes through a trying situation where conflicts and disagreements become unavoidable. How partners handle these conflicts can be an opportunity for growth. Resolving conflict appropriately can help strengthen a relationship, rather than destroy it.

According to Joshua Uebergang of the Tower of Power (a website dedicated to teaching social skills), conflicts require proactive resolutions because they don't clear up on their own. Some people believe that conflict avoidance is less straining in a relationship. But when a person avoids discussing her frustrations with her partner, resentments can fester and tensions can build, destroying the relationship over time. A healthier way to deal with this is to address the problem directly. Acknowledging the problem, rather than shutting down, is the first step to handling conflicts positively.

According to Brian Frederick of the Polyarmory Society, becoming argumentative is not a communication skill. Active awareness of each other's feelings, both verbal and non-verbal, works better. Arguments are compounded by frustrated emotions, resulting in one partner behaving on the offensive and the other becoming defensive. Learning to take an objective viewpoint may be tough in a situation where the other person is emotionally-charged. But healthy relationships can get through a dysfunctional conflict when partners learn to communicate by listening, instead of aiming to win in an argument.

According to Redbook (an online magazine), when it comes to compromising, couples must learn to be vocal about what they need from their partner, rather than drawing expectations from them. Conflicts happen because opinions differ from one another. Recognizing this by way of compromising will make disagreements easier to resolve. Compromising helps people see things eye to eye, or they can agree to disagree. Both situations are healthier for the relationship.

Blaming the other person when conflicts arise is easy when frustrated. Dawn J. Lipthrott, a relationship coach, says that putting the responsibility on others is convenient but dysfunctional. According to Lipthrott, it's actually a reflection of what people don't like about themselves. Instead of doing this, owning up to your faults and mistakes shows maturity and reflects a willingness to resolve conflicts in a healthier manner.

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