Dating is like swimming in a vast sea of Mr. and Ms. Wrongs. We have all been there. Some of us have been there more often than others. Some of us wasted many years or even married the wrong one. It all ended in disaster because......it was the wrong one!
How do you recognize the wrong one? Well, it is very difficult, especially since sometimes the wrong person seems so right for so many reasons. But if you are looking for a life partner, then you need to keep several things in mind. I will add that everyone's personality is different and that their goals for a soul mate may differ from mine. I will write this article from a female perspective on dating disasters and tell you what to avoid.
Instructions
- 1
Start your quest for a date. Whether you meet the person on the street, at the office, through a friend, from on line dating sites, written newspaper or magazine personals, playing a sport, or whatever, start the process light. Get a date set up at a public place like a coffee shop or centrally located restaurant.
2Talk about everything. If you are a city type of girl and like the arts and cultural life above all else, run if the man says he likes solitude and the outback. He is the mountain man. You aren't. Run!!!
3Run if the conversation turns to the man's hobbies and he says that he likes to hunt mushrooms in the mid-west and that he belongs to a mushroom club. The mushroom man is too weird. Run!!!
4Run if he actually likes to hunt and you are a pacifist and anti-gun!
Ok, sometimes opposites attract and differences are good. But in some instances, opposites are extreme and concern matters of lifestyle and mindset. Consider that.
Consider religion or politics. If he says he is a church going devotee and you are agnostic, it might not work. If he says he hates those Democrats and you are one, it might be difficult. Well, you say look at Mary Matalin and James Carvelle! Their marriage works! They are the exception to the rule. I believe religion and politics are key indicators of marital bliss.
6Talk economics. Well, maybe not on the first date, but after a month or so, get his philosophy on money, saving, spending, budgets and more. You need to know all this up front. You need to know this before you get in too deep. So many relationships and marriages break up over money!
7Talk about past relationships. If he says that he likes to date around and is not sure if he is ready to be monogamous, he is not for you. If he claims that he was taken advantage of or "burnt" by a former girlfriend or wife and can't be only with you because of that, stay away! Too much baggage!
8Discuss your goals for family, yes, even on a first date or second one even if you are uncomfortable with it so early. If he already has children and does not want more and you want children, forget it. Don't get caught up hoping that he will change his mind once you are in a relationship. People don't change on those types of issues. Spare yourself heartache and run before you get in too deep!
While you are at it, get his philosophy on family. If you are from a stable and loving family background and he comes from a messed up world, you might want to cut it off before you get embroiled in it. If you have to go to relationship counseling before you tie the knot, run. It won't get better when you are married!
The American novelist Nelson Algren (1909-1981) says "Never play cards with a man named Doc. Never eat at any place named Mom's. And never, never, no matter what else you do, sleep with anyone whose troubles are worse than your own!" Heed this well!
9Do not let a sexy voice, handsome physique, lots of money, or superficial things keep you dating Mr. Wrong. I have been there. There was the Tom Cruise look-alike, the swarthy Greek, the sexy Latin lover, you name it. I did it! Get out early or like me, you could waste seven years of your life on one of them alone!
10Look in your own backyard. Sometimes the best beaux is the one who is the most similar to you. He comes from the same family background, has the same life views, desires, and dreams. He may not have the exact same hobbies as you but you can live with them because they are not so radical. He believes in the same religious principals (not necessarily the exact religion but the same principals) and his political views are not so different from yours. And best of all, he wants to commit to you!
Pearl's Window
www.pearlswindow.comSittin' on my front porch, nothing gets by me. I see it all, I hear it all, and trust and believe, Miss Pearl KNOWS it all!
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