What Are Signs of Insecurity & Ways to Help?

Insecurity sometimes plagues new relationships as the partners try to determine their importance to the other person. In addition to wreaking havoc on a relationship, insecurity can also leave the insecure partner feeling depressed, anxious and suicidal. In rare cases, insecurity can manifest in violence. Jealousy and insecurity in relationships are often treated as a relationship problem, not as an individual problem, by therapists.

Insecure individuals often perceive the neutral and positive acts of their partners as threatening or negative. A partner who does not answer his phone, for example, must surely be cheating, according to an insecure person's thought process. If you find yourself frequently checking on your partner, looking through her private belongings, constantly questioning her or frequently needing affirmations of her love, you might be insecure. Insecurity also might breed resentment directed at your partner.

If a partner frequently questions you about past relationships, demands to know if she is loved or asks you to criticize past lovers to bolster her self-esteem, she might be insecure. You might be accused of cheating without any evidence. Insecure individuals might prevent a partner from going out in public unattended or question a partner endlessly about an outing. They might accuse your opposite-sex friends of being interested in you. They might try to control your time and how you appear. Frequent arguments about the relationship can occur.

Jealousy rarely occurs in a vacuum, and both partners usually play a role. Write out what makes you insecure. Challenge these thoughts. Is there a reason to hold those beliefs? Address these concerns with your partner --- and examine them yourself --- often. Challenge negative beliefs for any foundation of truth. If a partner cheated on you, insecurity is a natural feeling and reaction. Feeling insecure because a partner did not return your phone call one time is usually unreasonable. Find new hobbies and friends to create a more balanced life apart from your partner.

If you have an insecure partner, examine your ways of communication. Do you often flirt with other girls or glamorize past relationships? Reassure a partner of your devotion, and ask which of your behaviors can trigger insecurity. Plan fun activities or dates for the two of you to push your focus on relationships into the future instead of the past. Remain patient and understanding. Avoid becoming defensive in discussions of jealousy. Attend couples' counseling if necessary.

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