Effective communication is one of the key ingredients in a successful relationship. Speaking clearly, openly and concisely is the first half of effective communication. The second half of effective communication is listening carefully without defensiveness. This can be a challenge if your boyfriend and you are having a disagreement; however, the factor that changes disagreements into arguments is often miscommunication.
Instructions
- 1
Tell your boyfriend you have something important you would like to talk to him about to ensure you have his undivided attention before bringing up important subjects. Attempting to speak to your boyfriend about an important issue in the middle of another event that may be distracting for him is not a good idea. For example, if your sports fan boyfriend is watching his favorite team, this is not a good time to speak to him about something important. Wait until after the game.
2Mention something positive at the start of a conversation on an uncomfortable subject. This will help your boyfriend receive the message you are sending clearly and without defensiveness.
3Receive criticisms from your boyfriend objectively and with empathy. Think about whether the criticism is true and whether it something you are willing to work on. Communicate your intentions to your boyfriend.
4Be aware of body language. If your boyfriend seems like he is not listening to you, he probably is not. If your boyfriend's body language appears as if he is becoming defensive, take a moment and address his concerns before continuing to speak. When your boyfriend becomes defensive, he may view the rest of the things you say through a distorted lens.
5Keep an open mind. Do not assume. Sometimes when your boyfriend acts a certain way you may assume you know the cause of the action. You cannot read his mind. If you are confused about your boyfriend's behavior, ask him about it. For example, if your boyfriend were to begin spending less time with you, you may assume he wants to break up with you, but the reality may be that he is dealing with a personal issue that he has not yet shared with you.
6Ask clarifying questions. If your boyfriend has communicated a thought to you and you are unsure of some aspects of it, ask questions. Also, remain open to answering your boyfriend's clarifying questions.
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