Advice on Making a Relationship Work

Experiencing happiness in a relationship requires work from both partners. A satisfying relationship is one that endures trouble and continues to grow. Learning how to make a relationship work requires practice and a willingness to take on personal responsibility. Relationships can be either bad or good depending on the quality of effort put forth by the people involved.

Communication is the lifeline of a relationship. Without honest, open communication you won't be able to meet your partner's needs or understand their thoughts. Learning how to communicate is key to making your relationship work. First, when speaking to the other person be respectful. Be sensitive to the language you are using. If you are trying to communicate an old complaint use different language to describe how you feel. Know when to stop speaking. Don't talk just to be talking. Be an active listener. Try listening without running the conversation through any emotional filters. Listen for key words that your partner says like, hurt, mad or embarrassing.

At the beginning of a relationship it's easy to overlook differences. Common interests aren't that important when the sex is great and the world is your oyster. However, as your relationship progresses, common interests means spending time together or being apart. After all, your interests like sports and activities are a part of who you are. Be interested, sincerely, in what your partner likes. If the two of you have reached an impasse with the interests create some new ones. Make a list of what new things you'd like to try. Developing common interests will give you both common ground to create new and interesting things to talk about.

Some relationships fail because the individuals stop growing. People can become too dependent on the other person for emotional support and affirmation. Personal growth should continue after the relationship has begun, even if it ends. The ideal relationship is made up of two whole people who come together to make a whole relationship. In reality though this doesn't always happen. You'll have to learn how to balance your desire for establishing common interests and still be true to yourself. Have some time away from the relationship occasionally. A weekend away without your significant other will help you regroup and remember who you are. Feeling smothered isn't good for either party in a relationship. If your spouse is weak in this area encourage him to discover himself. Flipping through old photo albums, spending time alone, or visiting family members are great ways to recall who we are.

Relationship and Marriage Advice The Gottman Relationship Blog
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Today on The Gottman Relationship Blog, we continue our Summer Romance series with a special guest posting from our very own Laura Heck, LMFTA.
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