People Who Fear Intimacy

Fear of intimacy is a common complaint in many relationships. Many people develop, to varying degrees, an avoidance of intimacy either as a result of negative experiences in prior relationships or as a result of childhood trauma. This can be overcome, with the help of therapy, if both parties in a relationship are prepared to make a serious effort.

People who actively avoid relationships will generally openly set boundaries against intimacy. They may create actual boundaries, such as seeking long-distance relationships. People who fear intimacy will openly state their lack of readiness for a relationship or for a serious relationship. They may also set rules to a relationship that prevent intimacy or create barriers between themselves and their partners. They will often break up a relationship that they feel is becoming too close.

People who passively avoid intimacy may, either consciously or subconsciously, be attracted to people who are distant or unavailable. They may seek others who also actively or passively avoid intimacy and may sabotage relationships with people who are emotionally available. People who passively avoid intimacy may perceive people who are available as being too needy, or intense. These tendencies can lead to a lengthy series of short and painful relationships, particularly if the individual is unaware of the problem.

Most people with intimacy problems develop them early in life. This usually occurs when one or both parents have intimacy avoidance problems of their own. Even if both parents have a positive relationship with the children, if the parents do not have a positive, intimate relationship with one another, then children may mirror the behavior they observe in their own relationships later. People who have bad experiences in relationships as adults may also develop temporary or long-term intimacy avoidance issues.

Psychological treatment and counseling is available even to very young people, including children, who show signs of withdrawal or lack of intimacy. Couples counseling is also available for people who are already in a relationship and find themselves having difficulty with intimacy. This includes people who have difficulty with intimacy from the start as well as people who later find themselves withdrawing from their spouse. Withdrawal though can , in some cases, be a sign of depression, which requires different kinds of counseling.

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