How to Break It Off Without Hurting Her Too Badly

So, your relationship is over. Now what? Well, now, you have to tell your girlfriend --- preferably without her having a meltdown and burning all your stuff. Do not fret, she is not as fragile as a Hummel figurine. She will not break. You were not that awesome. But because you once cared about her, how about you let her down easy and minimize the damage for the next unsuspecting fellow.

Instructions

Break up with her now so she can date that hot yoga instructor.

Be timely. Nothing is worse than breaking up with someone way past the expiration date of the relationship. When it is clear that the relationship is beyond repair and you have done everything in your power to salvage the relationship to no avail, end it as soon as possible. Don't drag out the inevitable.

Get off the phone, I'm trying to break up with you.

Do it in person. If you've ever met this woman's parents or friends, shared a meal, had sex, babysat her dog, watered her plants, or played go fish with her nephew, you have to break up with her in person or suffer the fate of being a jerk. It is never acceptable to break up via text, email or voicemail.

If she's the last to know, she'll be the first to get angry.

Tell her first. Your girlfriend shouldn't find out it's over because she read it on the ticker tape on the E! channel during her favorite reality show. Show some common courtesy and tell her it's over before you tell all your friends, family and social networks and call a press conference.

Breaking up is not for show. Pick a private location.

Pick a venue. This is an intimate conversation that deserves a proper venue. Do not pick a crowded public place like a restaurant. There will be a scene. Doing it at your place gives her access to breaking your stuff. Doing it at her place allows you privacy and the option to leave when it's over. Besides, she's throwing all your stuff out the window anyway. Go get your clothes off the sidewalk.

Be honest, yet tactful. Be clear and concise about your point of view on why the relationship isn't working for you. There is no need to be mean. The point isn't to hurt her feelings, it's to end the relationship. Avoid assigning blame. This is not a saints vs. sinners cage match. Saying, "It's all your fault," is not going to go over very well. Besides, that probably isn't true.

Screaming is normal, fire is not. Know when to call the cops.

Prepare for backlash. She's going to respond to you breaking up with her. In a perfect world, she will give you a firm handshake, say "It's been a pleasure doing business with you" and be on her merry way. In reality, there will likely be tears, screaming, puppy dog eyes, and/or mutterings of "Why?" Just stand there and take it.

You've scored a perfect dismount from this relationship. Now stick the landing.

Make it final. Only break up if you are sure it's what you want. If you are on the fence about the relationship, that's the conversation you need to have. Save the breakup conversation until you are sure. Once you've made your decision, tell her and stick to it.

She'll get over you if you leave her alone.

Let it breathe. Don't break up with her and call her every day afterward. That's stringing her along. That goes triple for post-breakup sex. Let her ride the wave of solitude and proceed to living life without you. That's what you wanted anyway.

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