Signs You Are in a Verbally Abusive Relationship

Verbal abuse by a romantic partner is a subtle way of breaking down your self-esteem and willpower so that the other person can control you. Although it may never become physical abuse, it can be worse in some instances because it entraps you into thinking that you have no options outside of the abuser. After years of dealing with unrealistic expectations or threats of aggression, you may censor yourself in an attempt to only say things and act in ways that will win approval from the abuser.

There are several types of verbal abuse including threats, disrespect, denial of your feelings as a person, humiliation and jealousy. A verbal abuser will generally disregard feelings you have that are in opposition to his own and will often belittle you. You may be told that your thoughts and feelings are stupid, immature or otherwise not valid. An abuser may also withdraw physically or emotionally as a way of showing his disapproval of something that you said or did. He may also yell, scream or leave for awhile as a means of punishing you. Many of his bad actions may be blamed on you as a way of further lowering your self-esteem.

If you remain in an emotionally abusive relationship it will usually break down your sense of yourself as an independent person with options outside of the abuser. Through subtle forms of control over time, the abuser will usually make you withdraw from friends and family who would be most helpful to you if you were to get out of the relationship. By breaking down your self-esteem you may eventually feel that no one else would take you, or that you are lucky to be with the person you are with. Emotional abusers commonly try to rewrite history by denying things that were said or done in the past by them. All of these strategies are designed to leave you unsure what to think or feel so that you become more dependent on the abuser.

Emotional abuse transfers through generations, leading some children who experienced abuse to become abusers themselves. According to the article "Abuse Facts, Emotional Abuse," 81 percent of college-aged males admitted to engaging in some type of verbal abuse in their intimate relationships. According to the California Department of Corrections, 8 percent of women and 2 percent of men said they had been stalked (another form of abuse). Emotional abuse is usually perpetrated by men who feel powerless in other areas of their lives and it can lead to physical, sexual, or other forms of abuse.

In cases where emotional abuse is far-reaching, it is difficult to change the relationship dynamic from within and you must leave the relationship in order to find yourself again. Because the abuser is manipulative and controlling, it is likely that he will try to prevent you from leaving through physical threats, physical blockage of your retreat (locking you in a room, for example) or bargaining. After you have left he may stalk you, tell you that you'll never find anyone else or threaten suicide. He may also threaten relatives who help you, your pets or your personal possessions.

You must analyze what tactics the abuser will have before you leave. Decide what to do in situations where it will be difficult to leave or stay away Remember that the relationship is virtually guaranteed to return to the way it was if you go back to the abuser. If you are afraid of the abuser, you may need to hide from the abuser after you leave, call the police or file a domestic violence report. It may take a long time to find yourself following an emotionally abusive relationship, but the work will be well worth it.

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