Arguing is bound to occur in any relationship. When a couple has been together for a while, disagreements are a normal -- even healthy -- component of the relationship. But when arguing becomes excessive or if one partner feels abused or threatened during the course of an argument, it is time to reassess the true nature of the conflict. Couples can learn to respectfully disagree or may come to realize that the arguing is a warning sign of a deeper emotional issue.
Instructions
- 1
Take turns listening and talking. Make an effort to hear your partner's point of view. If your main goal is only getting your point across, the lines of communication will be stilted. You and your partner will just talk over each other, which will likely lead to a shouting match or one partner tuning the other out. In some cases, one partner may even concede to the other person just to get her to stop talking. In this case, the problem is merely brushed over but no real resolution has taken place.
2Take ownership of your feelings. State your perspective in a way that does not place blame on the other individual, but rather presents the situation in an objective way and conveys how the circumstance affected you. For example, instead of saying, "You're lazy. Why don't you help me around the house?" try lovingly explaining the situation to your spouse: "When you don't help, it makes me feel unloved and unappreciated." Insulting and finger-pointing is a sure-fire way to lose an argument and weaken a relationship. Try a more positive approach.
3Don't make the argument personal. Focus on the issue at hand rather than taking the opportunity to attack your partner's character.
4Stop trying to be right. Competing to win a fight will only prolong the conflict unnecessarily. Each person will battle to have the last say or the final word. Don't make victory the goal. Instead, try to find a way to compromise so both partners' needs are met.
5Keep the past in the past. Don't bring up old conflicts or use the argument as an opportunity to remind your partner how many times he has done this before. Keep your argument relevant to the current circumstance.
6Agree to disagree. No argument should go on forever. Place a time limit and if an amicable resolution cannot be found within that time frame, call a truce. You may agree to revisit the subject matter at another time when you are both refreshed, or you can decide that this is a particular subject you will never see eye-to-eye on. In either case, each partner should be able to end the argument with dignity intact.
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