Whatever your reason, the time has come that you realize your life would improve tenfold without your current boyfriend in your life. Perhaps you've said many times before that "today" would be the day you would finally break it off --- only for that day to have passed several times, due to second thoughts that led you to keep quiet about your feelings altogether, or second thoughts induced by his efforts to make up that you couldn't resist. Yet you already know there must be a better way to honor the nagging reality that it's in your best interest to leave him behind.
Instructions
- 1
Make a list of all the reasons you need to end your relationship. This will come in handy, later, when you're having second thoughts. You need a clear reminder of exactly why you decided the bad outweighs the good --- why things need to end, despite of all the reasons you are attracted to your boyfriend.
2Have a serous discussion with your boyfriend to let him know that the relationship is over. He may want to know why, and perhaps deserves an explanation, even if it seems self-explanatory from your perspective. If you don't believe you have the strength to have this discussion face to face, write a letter, but don't leave it at that. If he calls to talk, don't ignore him, but don't carry it out too long either. Simply confirm that you have made your decision, reiterate your reasons, agree to disagree (i.e. don't bother arguing), but emphasize that at this point, it seems crucial that you do what's best for you.
3Clarify the end of your relationship by ceasing to do the things together you normally did as an item. Inform him that you may be able to resume a friendship down the line, but for now you need some time and space away from him. Resist the urge to talk on the phone every night, hang out every other day, or spend the night together. Beware the chemicals at work during sexual intercourse, such as oxytocin and vasopressin, that serve to stimulate bonding and attachment. Engaging in sex with someone you're trying to get over is one of the most counterproductive moves you can make.
4Rid yourself of the things that remind you of him. If you don't want to throw away gifts, letters and other such items, at least pack them away out of sight.
5Find an outlet. Immerse yourself in a project for a while. What's something you've been saying you'd get around to doing or trying whenever you finally had the time? Direct your energies to doing that now.
6Stick to your guns, and allow time to heal you. Recovering from a lost love literally triggers chemical withdrawal reactions in the brain that are similar to those associated with recovering from a drug addiction. Fight the recurring desire that is simply a part of the process of moving on. If you must, revisit the list you made for yourself to strengthen your resolve.
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