It can be agonizing to break up with your boyfriend, especially if it wasn't your idea. Many women respond emotionally to such heartbreak, possibly ruining any chances of getting him back. Keep your wits about you, think strategically and watch what you say if you want to maximize the chances of getting your boyfriend back.
The Breakup Moment
During the moment of breakup, don't respond hysterically or beg your boyfriend not to go, or hurt him to try to alleviate your own pain. This will only alienate him. Even in the heat of the moment, think long-term. Stay calm and agreeable. Say you believe that time apart would be helpful. Tell him you understand his reasoning and that you have hurt him, but don't apologize -- you are admitting fault if you do. If he criticizes you or claims you caused the breakup, listen respectfully and thank him for his honesty. Even if he leaves determined to break up permanently, let him go with kind words. Leave him with a positive memory.
During the Breakup
Keep up a placid exterior. Don't initiate contact and don't wait for him to contact you. Remember that getting back together must be his idea. If you interact with him at all during the breakup, be polite and friendly. Ask how he's doing but don't pry about personal details. Don't volunteer much, if any, information about yourself -- keep the focus on him. Don't reminisce about your relationship, say you miss him or try to maneuver the conversation around to the subject of reconciliation. Treat him as you would an old friend.
Avoid talking about your breakup to people who know him. If they know you've broken up, they may jeopardize your chances of reconciliation by either encouraging you to do something foolish and desperate or passing on what you say to him. If asked about it, smile and thank the person for her concern. Then change the subject.
Reconciliation
You may be desperate to have him back in your life, but don't show it. Once he decides he wants you back, he may want you to do all the emotional work of apologizing, explaining and begging to get back together. Don't do any of this. Never say you miss him or that you can't live without him. Instead, be honest without sounding desperate; for example, "I want to make things right," or "I want our relationship to work." Let him do most of the talking, if possible. He has already decided he wants you back, so don't try to take over. Just react, thoughtfully.
Post-Reconciliation
Open and honest communication can often prevent another breakup. Nurture your relationship by learning what to say to your boyfriend. Don't criticize; instead, ask how you can help him. Better yet, focus on his good points and compliment those often. During an argument, keep your statements short and rational. Avoid words like "always" and "never." Learn to say "Let's take some time to cool off before discussing this again." Encourage him to speak up when he's unhappy with something about your relationship. Preface any criticism you offer with a compliment; for example, "You're the best for loading the washing machine. It would be great if you could move them to the dryer when they're done." Whenever you speak to your boyfriend, be motivated by love and concern both for him and your relationship.
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