How to Give Your Sweetie Space

I am in love. Recently the man I love told me, "I need some space." I, of course, am distraught. I do not need space. In fact, I don't even want space. All I want is to cuddle and kiss and stare at him for hours. But I realize that if I truly love him (which I do), I must respect his desire to be apart from me even if it hurts (which it does). Luckily, I am able to find moments of clarity in my despair, and I see that--if I handle the situation right--a little space now could lead to a lot of closeness in the future. This article is written by my clear-headed self for my lovelorn self in hopes of keeping me from plummeting into a pit of painful pining. Hopefully these steps will also help you cope if ever your sweetie should want to take a little space from you.

Instructions

Hear. When your sweetheart tells you that he or she needs space, stay calm. A person needs space for many different reasons, so instead of reacting or jumping to conclusions, listen and make a whole-hearted attempt to understand the reasons your significant other is pulling away.

Say, "Thank you for telling me this. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough in our relationship to share your needs honestly."

Leave the lecture for the classroom. Lectures do not belong in relationships. Besides, if you lecture, get angry, make ultimatums or try to change his or her mind, you are likely to push your sweetie even farther away. I once needed some distance from a guy I was dating, and when I told him this, he got argumentative. This was a major turn off and my need for a little break turned into a need for a full-blown breakup.

Clarify what you need. While you don't want to blow up, you don't need to play like you don't care at all. It's OK to show your sadness and to ask your partner to clarify what you may not understand. Is this break leading to a breakup? What exactly does your partner need space from? Are you dating others during your time apart? Will this break last an evening, a few days, a month or an indeterminate amount of time?

Sit on your hands. Do not call. Do not text. Do not drive by his house. Do not show up at her work. Do not send flowers or love letters or naked pictures of yourself. Let your lover make the next several moves. Sit back, observe and follow his or her lead.

Recite, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." While we may think of our lovers as "ours," in truth, we do not, and cannot, possess another human being. Your lover is an individual. Relationships subjected to control will crumble just as those subjected to neglect will shrivel.

Cry. Mourn. Mope. Lay low. Feel blue.

Pour yourself into your passions. Use this time to start training for that marathon you always wanted to run or finish that novel you started last year. While you may feel some despair, do not let despair become you.

Pray for peace of mind, for abundant love and for your relationship to work out in a way that is best for both of you.

Don't blame yourself. A person needs personal space for many reasons, and chances are these reasons have little or nothing to do with you.

Do what's right for you. A relationship has two people, and while it is important to be understanding of your lover's needs, it is also important to stick up for your own needs. Wanting to be in a relationship with somebody who is more available to you is a reasonable desire. If you realize that a break does not work for you, you may need to call it quits.

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