How to Not Be Awkward in Conversations

Smooth, easygoing conversational skills can be a tremendous asset in every area of your life. Being a good conversationalist will help you at work, in friendship and in dating. Having a conversation with a new person can be an intimidating experience, but the skill of great conversation actually is not very complicated. It's all about helping the other person enjoy the conversation.

Feeling as if you don't know what's expected of you in a conversation can make you tense. The result is that you may act in a stiff and unnatural way that other people are likely to find off-putting. When you're starting a conversation with a new person, the first thing you need to do is to relax. Instead of assuming the worst that the conversation will go badly and you will be rejected or judged assume the best. Go into the conversation with the assumption that you will really like this person and enjoy her company. Treat the person you're talking with like a friend whose opinions you truly value.

The key to not feeling awkward in a conversation is not to make the other person feel awkward, either. If you concentrate on paying attention to how the other person is feeling, you will avoid most of the problems that lead to awkwardness. Before you say anything, ask yourself how it would likely make the other person feel. Conversations are driven by questions, so you can ensure that there aren't any awkward silences by knowing what questions to ask.

Most people love to talk about themselves and their interests. Most people will consider you a good conversationalist if you just make it easy for them to talk about the things they love to talk about most. Start with general topics such as life history, family, work and personal interests. When you're not sure what to say next, you can fall back on the questions journalists use: who, what, where, when and why. For example, if he says, "I've always loved to play chess," you can say, "Who taught you to play?" This kind of question takes the conversation in a new direction and keeps it fresh.

Conversational awkwardness is caused by either not paying attention to how the other person is feeling or paying too much attention to how you are feeling. In a conversation with a family member or an old friend, you're not really thinking about yourself. You're just responding spontaneously as the conversation moves naturally from one topic to another. In a conversation where you don't feel comfortable, it's as if you're standing outside yourself, observing and judging. When this happens, you feel tense and awkward and so does the person you're talking with. If you want the conversation to go smoothly, don't worry about yourself. Think about the other person and the conversation will usually take care of itself.

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