Breakup Etiquette

The breakup of a relationship is painful; but when handled badly, a breakup has emotional repercussions that can last for years. Kindness and respect are important in dealing with a breakup, both for yourself, your partner -- and the time you spent together. While no one walks away from the breakup conversation unscathed, there are ways to ensure that you can leave the relationship with your head held high.

Many websites have sprung up on the Internet specializing in breaking-up with your significant other via email. You may have a mutual friend and may be tempted to ask them to end the relationship for you. The polite and respectful thing to do is to break up with the person by yourself. They have invested time, energy and emotion into your relationship; the least you owe that person is the chance to ask you what went wrong and to seek closure, things that will not be possible in an email. This should be done in person; it is rude and hurtful to end a relationship via email, cell phone text message or social networking sites. Phone calls are acceptable when the relationship is long-distance, as it saves you both from spending money on a plane ticket, gas and a hotel room.

A crowded party or a busy cafe may be tempting spots to break-up with someone; people tend to control their emotions in public, which means you may avoid a potential emotional meltdown. However, this is deeply disrespectful to your partner and should be avoided whenever possible. The end of a relationship is a painful thing, and both parties deserve privacy to work out their emotions. A public space may not guarantee a measured reaction; you both may become emotional and cause an embarrassing scene. After the breakup conversation, have a place to go and spend the night without your partner. If you two are breaking-up and you share an apartment, go to a friend's house for the night -- and begin to search for your own place. Some couples believe that one last night of intimacy before the breakup makes the process easier, but the resulting emotions only make a breakup more difficult to navigate.

The last thing your partner will want to hear is a litany of all the reasons that the breakup is his fault, especially if you don't find him attractive anymore -- or if you want to date someone who is richer or "better" than your ex. Think of the things that would devastate you -- if your partner was ending the relationship -- and avoid the topics that would only cause him pain. A break-up batters self-esteem, no matter how well it's handled, and no one deserves to leave a relationship feeling like they are worthless. Be firm, but be compassionate.

The end of a relationship dredges up feelings of anger, loss, disappointment and grief. While your impulse may be to check in with your former partner to make sure they are coping, this only pours salt on an already open wound. Give her time to process her sorrow and anger in her own time and in her own way. If she calls you or texts you, answer her questions briefly and succinctly, then turn off the phone. Do not draw out the process by telling her how much you miss her -- or that you were thinking of her. This can give rise to the illusion that you two may reunite, which makes the reality of a breakup even harder to face.

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