How to Say I'm Just Not That Into You

Breaking up with somebody you've been dating for years is painful and complicated and will uproot your life entirely-breaking up with somebody you've only just started dating is awkward and vague and can make you feel as though your emotional intelligence has regressed to that of a 14-year-old. Ending a new relationship can-in some ways-be the most difficult breakup of all, because the two of you haven't yet built that comfortable rapport; you have no idea how the other person will respond, and you're not exactly sure how to-well-you know-just say it. If it has become clear that the person you're dating isn't the person for you, may these tips help you say with kindness, ease and confidence: "I'm just not that into you." Good luck!

Instructions

Act immediately. You know the story: you don't want to have the breakup talk today because today is Friday and you have tickets to that show tomorrow night and there's no sense in ruining that experience, right? Besides, the tickets were expensive and you really want to see that band and you're not sure if you can find somebody else to go with you on such short notice. So you decide not to pull the plug this weekend. Then all of a sudden, it's Monday and you don't want to do it on Monday because Monday is already a terrible, horrible, depressing day. So you put it off until Thursday. Yes, you'll wait until Thursday. But when Thursday hits, you get sick and you're so sick that you can barely get out of bed and you need somebody to bring you soup. You can see where this is headed. There is no perfect time to break up with somebody-or perhaps a more accurate way to put it is that the perfect time to break up with somebody is the moment you realize that you no longer want to pursue a relationship with that somebody. Think of it this way: the show is already ruined whether you break up or not, because it is never fun to go on a date with somebody you don't really want to see.

Create space. If the relationship is in its earliest stages, you may not need to say anything at all. Pull away a bit and see how the other person responds. If he or she fades out of your life, chances are that he or she wasn't really feeling it with you either. Now you're both off the hook-and, phew!-that was easy.

But, if the person doesn't fade away, if you can tell that he or she wants more from you, then you are obligated to say something. Accept the fact that it's going to be uncomfortable. Awkwardness is an inevitable part of the short-term-relationship breakup talk. Be an adult and embrace it. And remember, it's kinder to say something than to leave the other person wondering if he or she did something wrong.

Keep it light. There's no reason that a breakup has to be filled with tearful drama or explosive anger. You can end a relationship while remaining calm. You can even keep a smile on your face.

Keep it simple. Do not create an elaborate story as to why the relationship is not working for you. It is acceptable (and advisable) to say something as basic as: "I think you're a great person, but I'm not feeling that special spark between us" or "I like you, but I don't want to go down the girlfriend/boyfriend road together." Then be quiet.

Answer questions directly, honestly and simply. If the other person has questions for you about why you are breaking up, answer them with short, simple answers. Do not indulge long, dramatic talks about why the relationship did or did not work. Keep your answers clear and in line with your message: "I want to break up."

Match your actions with your words. Once it's over, don't keep contact going. If the two of you want to be friends, allow some time to pass before picking up a friendship, otherwise you run the risk of sending mixed signals or getting pulled back into dating and causing deeper hurt feelings down the road.

Remember: people appreciate the truth.

Remember: the longer you keep yourself entangled with the "wrong" person, the longer you will have to wait to find a "right" one. Staying with somebody because you are bored or afraid of being alone is path to a dead-end relationship and dead-end life.

Give yourself credit. It is easy to ignore the other person completely, but this is the cowardly approach. If you are willing to step up to the plate and say something, even if you stumble over your words, you deserve credit.

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