How to Get An Education From Your Irritation

It drives you crazy. The way your spouse drives 2 miles per hour under the speed limit, the way your sister pinches her lips when she doesn't agree with something you're saying, the way your coworker hums Broadway show tunes while filling out spreadsheets. They are irritating you and you wish they would stop it already so that you could get back to enjoying your life the way you like to enjoy it. The bad news is that irritation is an inescapable component of interpersonal relationships; the good news is that irritation almost always has something to teach us about ourselves. May these tips inspire you to get an education from your irritation.

Instructions

Become aware. Many people get irritated without even realizing that they are irritated. They snap in their responses, they roll their eyes, they tense their bodies. The first step toward learning from your irritation is simply becoming aware of the fact that you are getting irritated. So start taking note.

Name your triggers. What are the situations in which you seem to get irritated again and again? Identify the details of these situations. Is there a common theme running through the situations that seem to trigger your irritation?

Act, don't react. Don't yell. Don't say something insulting. In fact, don't respond at all until your irritation has passed. Take a deep breath. Walk away. Once you are thinking clearly, you can act appropriately.

Stop being a control freak. The bottom line is this: the less controlling you are, the less irritated you will be. Learn to go with the flow, to find humor in the quirks of others, to appreciate that everybody has a different way of living their lives. When you get down to it, does it really matter that your sweetheart is a slow driver or that your sister has a tendency to pinch her lips?

Point the finger at yourself. Your irritation--no matter its external cause--ultimately belongs to you. Instead of being quick to blame your irritation on people around you, dive inward and ask, "What can I learn from this situation?"

Deal with the unresolved issues beneath the irritation. Often when we get irritated it is because we are unhappy about something in our lives and/or unsettled about something within ourselves. Is there a bigger issue at play that could be causing your irritation?

Make a reasonable request. It is OK to ask the person who is contributing to your irritation to change his or her behavior. Just make sure to do it in a way that won't escalate the situation. Remember, your goal is to dampen your irritation, not increase it.

Remove yourself from the situation. If you've self-reflected, dug deep into your psyche and changed your actions, but still feel irritated, it may be best to remove yourself from the irritation entirely. Sometimes it really is the outside world that is causing the problem.

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