Tips to Help You Move on After a Break Up

Chances are, you will get hurt if you are in a relationship with someone else. Everyone has flaws--you and those you have relationships with. Those closest to you can most easily hurt your feelings, say things you'd rather not hear, and do things you wish they wouldn't do. Breaking off a relationship with someone is never easy, even when you instigate the break-up. But you have a choice to feel durable enough to handle it or to feel crushed by it.

Dwelling only on the positive memories of your relationship and choosing to forget the bad memories can actually make you feel worse. Sometimes it is helpful to focus on the painful memories rather than indulging in only good memories that don't honestly represent your relationship. This may encourage your brain to remember fully, not selectively.

Insist on having no contact with the other person for weeks or months to help you get over the break-up. Use this time, which will only initially feel painful, to get healthy and happy again. The sooner you can make this contact break, the better. However, because it is so hard to do at first, many newly single people refuse to take this important step. Give yourself some grace, but know that eventually you will have to take this important step.

Start making plans for your new, fantastic future. Try to see being single as an opportunity to step back, reassess your decision, and consider how you would do things differently next time. Don't put your life on hold for too long, however. Plan for a while, but then start acting on your plans. Set goals and begin the process of putting your life back together.

You will never be able to control another person, but you can control yourself. Learning how to trust someone else again means learning how to trust yourself to be strong enough to engage in another potentially painful relationship. If you're nervous about taking such a risk, it's likely that you're afraid of something you think you can or can't do. Dealing with your own imperfections is a big part of learning to trust someone else again.

Don't invest more of yourself than you can afford to lose. Take the time you need to heal so that you won't use up all of your emotional resources in the next relationship (if it doesn't work out). At the same time, give yourself some grace: know that you'll get through it, allow yourself to learn from the experience, and them move on one step at a time.

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