Rebuilding trust after you have cheated on your partner is a challenging, painstaking and delicate task. In order to rebuild the trust you destroyed through infidelity you need to accept that your partner may need a long time to heal. But with honesty, open communication and patience, trust might eventually return.
Instructions
- 1
Help your partner who did not have the affair to find emotional closure. This could mean sticking to a strict schedule that will help trust grow, or even checking in several times a day to let her know where you are. "It'll require you being where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so your spouse can trust you again" said therapist Dr. Phil. Once your partner gets used to you telling the truth about where you've been, the trust will begin to grow again.
2Continue sexual intimacy with your partner. Psychologist Barry McCarthy recommends that couples continue sexual activities after infidelity has occurred as a means of restoring physical closeness and trust. "To repair the marriage, you must open your windows to your partner and wall off the affair," McCarthy said.
3Make a list of trusting behaviors with your spouse. This list is meant to foster trust based on the needs of both people in the relationship. The person who is hurt might feel the need for the other person to switch jobs, or give them access to their e-mail account. A list can help put the issues in perspective and solidify ways to end mistrust. Psychologist Janis Abrahms recommends the list method and says that "the hurt partner shoulders a disproportionate share of the burden of recovery and may require some sacrificial gifts to redress the injury caused."
4Seek professional counseling. This will show your partner that you are fully committed to rebuilding the relationship and that you consider it to be worth fighting for. A counselor will be able to help you discuss the issues at hand in an unbiased way and help you delve into problems that contributed to the infidelity in the first place. Counseling can be a great method of discussing problems in a positive and constructive manner.
5Don't wallow in your guilt. If you have had an affair, feeling badly about the things you have done to your partner will not help them (or you for that matter). "Psychology Today" editor Hara Estroff Marano strongly advises against self-pity. "Don't wallow in your guilt; let it be the stimulus for learning better ways of behaving," Marano says. It is much more productive to demonstrate your respect for your partner rather than endlessly declaring how you feel.
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