How to Rebuild Trust in Your Partner

Broken trust sparks a whole range of unpleasant emotions and anxieties. When betrayal occurs in a relationship, it can be difficult for the offended partner to trust someone again in general, let alone the same person who committed the betrayal. People who have been betrayed may feel their lives have been shattered. While feelings may be raw and profound, it is reasonable to be optimistic about the relationship and with enough sincerity, trust can be restored. If you have committed the transgression, take the initiative.

Instructions

Apologize to your partner immediately if you have committed a transgression. The sooner you resolve the issue, the less time your partner has to fester additional anger and resentment. Show sincere remorse and ask for forgiveness. Accept responsibility for your actions and do not try to pass off the blame, as breaking your partner's trust was ultimately your decision no matter the circumstance.

Tell your partner the truth. Your partner will likely have questions. Answer these objectively. If these questions go unanswered, there is a chance that your partner will ruminate on the situation and may draw inaccurate conclusions about what happened. Avoid elaborating on sensitive topics, and keep answers focused on the question asked.

Show your partner you are hurting, too. Mistakes are painful for all involved. Showing that you are suffering from your actions helps your partner believe you might learn from the mistake and not repeat it. It also helps to affirm the value of your partnership.

Explain to your partner how important rebuilding trust is to you. Explain what motivates you to rebuild the trust and how you are willing to make the required effort.

Express your love and commitment for your partner. Betrayal makes your partner question many things, including the foundation she thought the trust was built on. To rebuild trust, all of the foundations of that trust must be reaffirmed. This also helps your partner feel more confident in your continued relationship.

Establish expectations and roles that tell your partner what to expect in the future. For example, in the case of infidelity, affirm that the expectation is you are monogamous and state specifically what behavior you will change to support this expectation (such as discontinuing hanging out in bars with all your single friends). Explain what your partner can or can't expect from you. Expectations and roles contribute to a sense of predictability and security. Trust is often a product of these attributes. Renewing these creates a new premise for trust formation.

Invest in your relationship or partner. Buy something together or add your partner's name to something valuable. Showing that you trust your partner invites her to return the trust. Also, investing mutually in something helps your partner feel the relationship will continue.

Prepare to be transparent and open for a while after the incident. No matter what your partner says, chances are you will be under the microscope for a while. Make sure your behavior is exemplary and that you have nothing to hide.

Maintain the trust this time. A pattern of broken promises or broken trust can be impossible to fix and is valid evidence against trusting someone.

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