How to Forgive a Boyfriend for Racial Name Callings

Racial name-calling is a serious type of verbal abuse that can hurt your self-esteem and impact your relationship enormously. When your boyfriend attacks you by calling you racial names, you may experience a variety of emotions, such a betrayal, sadness, and you even may lose confidence in your relationship. If your boyfriend is remorseful about his actions and you want to forgive him but don't know how to go about it, there are several things you must analyze and communicate to him so you can forgive, overcome and heal any wounds he caused.

Instructions

Realize that we all make mistakes and fall short at times. People tend to say hurtful things when they themselves are hurt or feel angry. This doesn't justify the racial name-calling, but it helps you understand we all are capable of failing.

Get closure. Tell your boyfriend how the racial name-calling makes you feel and how this type of abuse has the ability to hurt the love and trust you have for him. Express yourself calmly, without starting an altercation. You want to express what you feel so your boyfriend has an idea of the emotional damage he is causing.

Let go of the grudge. It is hard to forgive, but if you want to stay with your boyfriend you'll need let go of any hard feelings you're harboring to give him a fair chance to prove to you that he really is sorry and that he will not call you racial names again.

Work on your self-esteem. Racial verbal abuse can make you feel inferior; however, you must keep in mind that your boyfriend most likely resorted to the abuse because he is having trouble coping with insecurities and is trying to bring you down with him by attacking you where he thinks he can hurt you most. Be proud of your race, embrace who you are, and don't give him the power he is trying to gain by making you feel inferior. In other words, if he calls you a racial name, understand this is a mirror of his own insecurities and potential low self-esteem.

Set boundaries in your relationship. Tell your boyfriend that although you love him, you will not tolerate mental abuse because you also love yourself and cannot be with someone who doesn't respect you. This will help you cope with the name-calling because you'll know that you have set ground rules to keep the abuse from happening again.

Analyze your relationship and be truthful to yourself when doing this. Examine if your boyfriend has abusive tendencies, how he treats you and if he really seems to be remorseful. Let the answers to these questions determine if he is the man you should be with. Keep in mind that forgiving is something you should do for yourself, because it is healthy to let go of grudges instead of carrying feelings such as anger and resentment around. You can forgive your boyfriend but it doesn't mean you have to stay with him, especially if he has a track record of abusing you verbally.

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