When a partner takes his anger and frustration out on you, it can be challenging to respond in a loving and compassionate way. While all couples experience conflict from time to time, it's important to know how to deal with someone who has an unhealthy way of expressing negative emotions. You can't control your partner, but you can control how you respond to his anger and frustration. If you are able to act maturely and rationally, it's possible your partner will learn from your example. If the behavior does not change, it may be helpful to seek relationship or marriage counseling in order to deal with his emotional issues.
Set Boundaries
Talk to your partner about what is acceptable to you and what is not when it comes to his behavior. Explain that it's fine for him to feel anger and frustration, but that you're uncomfortable with him taking his feelings out on you. Be specific and let him know what bothers you, whether it's yelling, blaming, name-calling or slamming doors. Convey that if he continues to repeat the specific behavior or behaviors, you'll be unable to communicate with him during those episodes and won't interact with him until he is behaving in a mature manner.
Stay Calm
While it can be difficult to stay calm when your partner is agitated or angry, being rational and composed in an effective way to keep the situation from becoming too heated or emotionally volatile. Keep your voice low and do not respond to your partner in an angry way. It's usually difficult for an angry person to continue lashing out when the other person is not emotionally responding to the outburst. Refuse to meet his anger with your own and tell him you'll be happy to talk about things when he is calm.
Leave the Situation
If your partner's anger feels like verbal or emotional abuse, remove yourself from the situation. You don't have to listen to someone who makes you the target for his frustration. Go for a walk, go in the other room, or leave the house to do something you enjoy. Once your partner learns that you will not tolerate his angry outbursts, he may attempt to control his behavior. Also, by leaving the situation to do something you enjoy, you can come back later feeling level-headed and positive.
Find a Way to Agree
In many cases, an angry person wants validation and understanding for his feelings. If your partner is frustrated, find a way to agree that he has a right to be upset. Tell him that you can see why he's so agitated and that you understand where his anger is coming from. Once an angry person feels understood, he is often able to become calm again. Whether his anger is coming from frustrations at work, money concerns or health issues, attempt to provide understanding and compassion about the root cause.
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