Gender Differences & Conflict in Relationships

Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. However, fundamental differences between male and female psychology can have a profound impact on how arguments are resolved. In order to effectively resolve conflict, both partners need to understand each other's way of dealing with confrontation and how they interpret the issue at hand.

Communication plays an important role in conflict. In order for a conflict to be resolved, both parties need to talk. According to marriage and family counselor Timothy Dowty, there are fundamental differences between men and women in this respect. While the difference is by no means universal, the general trend is that women prefer to discuss feelings, speak more, ask questions and remain polite. Men are usually more commanding, less emotionally centered and focused more on facts.

Genders' communication differences in conflict have nothing to do with biology. Society raises men and women differently. As children, females are taught relationship behaviors, such as caring for dolls or playing "house." Males are raised to be more competitive, heavily engaging in sports or active games that involve violence or conflict. Again, this is not universal. However, when these backgrounds clash, the approaches to conflict are different.

Communication is useless without effective listening. With this in mind, it is important to understand how gender differences exist in that realm, as well. Professional mediator Dena Reiner explains that while women tend to hear everything that is being discussed, men focus on what they perceive as important. In other words, women hear paragraphs while men hear "bullet points."

The National Institute of Mental Health has discovered that relationship conflict creates more stress for men than women. Couples aged 18 to 21 were asked to discuss an unresolved, heated issue. Samples of cortisol -- a chemical released by stress -- were taken before, during and after the arguments. While anxiety levels varied based on how individuals dealt with conflict, men showed a stronger chemical response.

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