How to Know If You're Afraid of Intimacy

Fear of intimacy is a fear of getting close to people, particularly in romantic relationships. While it's normal to be apprehensive in a relationship, especially as the relationship gets more serious and you become more open to getting hurt, some people are more afraid than others. If you fear intimacy, you'll have a hard time getting close to people and the fear may sabotage relationships when you do.

Instructions

Ask yourself how many secrets you have. Everyone has a few things that they keep to themselves. If you have a long list of secrets about who you are, what you're afraid of and what is important to you, you may be afraid of intimacy, as intimacy is ultimately about sharing yourself with someone else.

Look at your sex life. Do you have trouble performing or achieving orgasm? If so, this may be because you are afraid of the intimacy inherent in sex. Since sex is such a close connection with someone else, people with a fear of intimacy may have problems having successful sexual relationships. On the other hand, some people with a fear of intimacy have had a lot of sexual partners, none of whom they were very emotionally close to. If you are able to perform sexually with a relative stranger but have a hard time performing with someone you are in a serious relationship with, you may have a fear of intimacy.

Think about whether you often start fights. People with fears of intimacy often start fights with the people they are in relationships with because this keeps their significant other at arm's length. If you find yourself frequently starting fights over irrelevancies, you may be afraid of intimacy.

Consider how you feel about other people's deeper emotions and vulnerabilities. People with fears of intimacy often don't care about other people's deeper feelings because they don't want to expose their own vulnerabilities. If other people's feelings aren't important to you, it may be because you're afraid of people finding out about your vulnerabilities.

Analyze past relationships. How long did they last? If they didn't last long, when did they end? If you have a history of bailing out after a few months, right when things started to get more intimate, you may have been doing so because you're afraid of intimacy.

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