How to Forget a Failed Relationship

A broken heart is an excruciating pain that feels like it will never heal. But the fact is, people can and do forget failed relationships and move on with their lives --- often to happier and more fulfilling new relationships. Changing your thoughts and behaviors is very important. Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson says the way you think about a loss often dictates how you will feel about it, and that there are ways to feel positive, even in dire circumstances. Once you begin to feel better, you are more likely to pursue positive activities that will make forgetting a failed relationship much easier.

Instructions

Allow yourself to grieve. Do not pretend you are not sad, if this is how you feel. Do not let feelings of sadness overwhelm you, however, by continuing to get on with your life and engaging in positive behaviors. When you find yourself feeling sad, engage in positive self-talk. Tell yourself that it's normal to be sad when a relationship fails, but at the same time, remind yourself that things will get better and you will find a new love one day.

Focus on the positives. Reframe this as a time to pursue lost interests, develop new talents and enhance your independent identity. These experiences will give your identity more depth and make the loss less devastating to you. It is possible to expand your social circle and preoccupy your mind by engaging in challenging new activities. If your life purpose was your relationship and this failed, you need to develop a new life purpose that is not dependent on another person to maintain true happiness.

Volunteer with a local charity. Helping others is one of the best ways to get your mind off yourself and allow you to feel fortunate, even though you've had a devastating loss. There are plenty of organizations in need of your skills, such as the National Humane Society, the Red Cross or your local homeless shelter.

Become more comfortable being alone. The principles of positive psychology indicate that focusing on what you are feeling during an event entrenches that memory into your mind. The more positive emotions we can recall, the happier we view our lives to be. So instead of focusing all the time on your grief, allow yourself an occasional vacation from these emotions. Take a walk, noticing the beauty of nature all around you. When you find yourself feeling happy, give yourself permission to experience those emotions fully. Over time, you will associate the feeling of being alone with increased happiness and you will become less dependent on relationships to meet your needs.

Fantasize about a future without your ex, in which you are more happy and content. Write out these fantasies and read them at least once a day. Make them as vivid as possible. By allowing yourself to think of a future without him, you will reintroduce hope into a time that can appear quite hopeless.

Date other people, after an appropriate amount of time has passed. When you are feeling more comfortable being by yourself and find yourself fantasizing more easily about other partners, it's a good idea to start dating again. Focus just on the date and that person and resist the thought to compare her with your ex. The more good experiences you have, the more miles you will put between you and the breakup.

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