Saying men and women communicate differently is a generalization, but nonetheless a true statement. While not all men and women communicate exactly in the styles usually assigned to their gender, most have at least some communication characteristics that fit in with the communication styles experts attribute to the respective genders. Understanding how members of the opposite sex communicate helps couples to communicate better with each other, a valuable tool to have in a relationship.
Goal of Communication
In sociolinguist Deborah Tannen's book, "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation", some time is spent looking at the subliminal motivations that drive the different communication styles of men and women. She feels that men use conversation as a tool for status preservation. Men need to assert an independent power in conversation while women take the opposite approach. For a woman, talking is about bringing people together and creating the intimacy that is essential for them in a relationship.
Genetic Basis
It is possible that the original roles that men and women played in the development of the human race influence the styles in which they communicate. Men needed to hunt for the race to survive. They also needed to be dominant. Genetic predispositions make men want to stand out and to win under all circumstances. By the same token, the role of women in prehistoric society was to nurture and rear the family. In the book "Why Men Don't Listen and Women Don't Read Maps," it is shown that men and women both have different personalities that they define as ideal. These idealized personality traits, such as boldness for men, suggest that regardless of upbringing or background certain personality traits which would certainly shape communication styles are inherent in the different genders.
Idea Presentation
Dianna Booher, CEO of Booher Consultants, a firm specializing in communications, feels that men and women have different ways of presenting ideas. For instance, in the business world, a man and a woman might naturally be inclined to present a selling proposition in different ways. Men have a tendency to be direct. They get to the point and present their ideas in an unsubtle manner. Women are more inclined to use questions. They use questions to object without creating confrontation, to obtain information and to posit requests. Sometimes men don't understand the directives women provide based on the respective gender preferences for direct or indirect communication.
Listening
Of course, communication isn't just about talking. Listening is the other half of the communication equation and according to Simma Lieberman, gender communications specialist, men and women listen differently. Women prefer to verbally weigh their options while still thinking about the problem. Men think internally and sometimes women misinterpret that silence as the man not listening. Women also tend to have active body engagement when listening while men who are listening attentively often adopt a completely neutral posture.
Word Choice
John Gray, author of perhaps the most famous book on gender communication differences, "Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" makes some points about the words that men and women choose. Men tend to be more concise in word choice and only express limited feelings, while women will use more words to communicate more thoroughly. In "He Says, She Says" Lilian Glass reports that men don't use as much facial movement or as many verbal inflections to communicate as women do.
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