Male & Female Similarities in Communication

"Everybody knows" that women and men just think differently and communicate differently, right? However, Professor Deborah Cameron of Oxford University says, "The evidence does not lead where most people think it does. If we examine the findings of more than 30 years of research on language, communication and the sexes, we will discover that they tell a different, and more complicated, story."

Here are some of the things that "everybody knows:"

* Women care more about communicating than men do.

* Women talk more and have greater verbal skills.

* Men talk about facts; women talk about feelings.

* Men talk to keep score; women talk to keep the peace.

These differences create terrible miscommunication and misunderstandings across an unbridgeable gender chasm! Dozens of popular books, such as "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray, "You Just Don't Understand" by Deborah Tannen, and "The Essential Difference" by Simon Baron-Cohen, promulgate all of these assumptions.

You tend to notice what you expect to notice; that is, you tend to observe and remember whatever confirms your preconceptions. For example, supposedly women talk far more than men, but a survey of actual studies suggests that not only do men talk more than women, but it cannot be considered directly gender-linked, but status-linked. In most conversations, the person perceived as being dominant---within the context of the conversation---will be doing most of the talking. "In informal contexts where status is not an issue, the commonest finding is not that women talk more than men, it is that the two sexes contribute about equally," says Cameron.

In a study of psycholinguistic studies of male/female communication styles, psychologist Janet S. Hyde summarized additional traits as follows:

* Men and women who share similar social backgrounds possess and use similar vocabularies. The key here is "similar social backgrounds." That factor influences vocabulary far more than gender does.

* Men and women with comparable educations demonstrate similar levels of reading comprehension. Again, what counts is not gender but social factors such as education.

* The genders reason alike. Logic is logic. No, really.

* Men and women interrupt another speaker with about the same frequency.

* Men and women are about equally verbally assertive. Here, voice timber may have an influence upon perceived assertiveness; listeners should try to edit that out and attend only to language when judging a speaker's assertiveness.

* The genders employ similar amounts of "affiliative" speech (talking just to bond).

* Men are about as willing as women to self-disclose: to reveal personal information, to let others get to know them. They really do talk about non-football-related topics from time to time.

According to Professor Hyde, two traits do show "moderate" differences: spelling and smiling! (Advantage: women.)

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