How to Express My Anger to My Guy About His Behavior

Expressing anger in a relationship can be overwhelming and scary; however, it is necessary if you want the relationship to continue. A healthy relationship exists with a free exchange of communication, so it is important that you speak up to have your needs met. When expressing anger, don't immediately blow up at your partner for things he's done. Instead, take a few moments (or days even) to think about the issue so that you can explain it to him calmly and rationally.

Instructions

1

Identify what exactly it is you're angry about. Sometimes your anger over another issue can translate to anger over an aspect of his behavior. Take some time to reflect, talk to a friend or therapist or write down what exactly you're feeling. Speaking to a friend or therapist about these issues may help you understand if you are overreacting to a situation or making unfair demands. If, on self-reflecting and discussion, you find that your points are valid, proceed to speaking to your partner.

2

Recognize anger before it becomes a full blown fight. Chuck T. Falcon of Sensible Psychology says that anger is often manifested in sarcastic comments or failure to follow through with promises. These can be the beginning stages of anger in you or your partner, so it is important to recognize them before things get out of hand. Do not bring up the issue if you feel one of you is about to get very angry.

3

Write down exactly what you're angry about so that you can express your anger effectively. Take a list when you talk if you'd like to ensure you hit all of the points you'd like to address.

4

Set down ground rules for your conversation. Ask that he respects you and allows you to talk without interruptions. Show him the same courtesy.

5

Present your problem in a logical, controlled way. Use "I" statements such as "I feel (blank) when you (do the behavior I dislike)." Essence.com's article, "Ways to Properly Express Anger at Your Man" says that using "I" statements helps you take control and ownership of your anger. If you feel yourself becoming heated or sense he is about to become very angry, take a time out and discuss the issue at a later date after both of you have calmed down.

6

Avoid common communication issues when stating your anger. Chuck T. Falcon identifies some of these as attacking sensitive areas as a means to hurt your partner, blaming, overgeneralizing (such as saying "You never take the garbage out when I ask"), arguing about another issue or bringing up old issues.

7

Discuss a way to solve the issue together. Remember that issues may not change overnight, but it is important that you keep open communication and resolve to work on your relationship together.

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