Stages of Grief While Ending a Relationship

Ending a relationship can be devastating. There's the pain of losing someone you thought would be in your life forever -- as well as the pain of losing the life you imagined with that one person. Often, the stages of grief for a broken relationship mimic the stages that apply to the death of a loved one. The process takes time, but eventually you will find yourself moving on.

This is when the complete shock and denial of the lost relationship kicks in. You keep up your daily routine of going to work or school and cooking dinner -- but you expect your ex to walk through the door at the end of the evening. There's a sense of denial, so you may cling to hope that the romance can and will be rekindled. According to Dr. Kali Munro, M.Ed., a psychotherapist, this is something that people tend to do after a death -- and it's perfectly normal. This initial period of shock is your body's way of protecting you from pain. In this stage, getting your partner back is your focus. Everything else, including your job and family, may become secondary. During this stage you may have trouble remembering things and become disorganized.

In the second stage, reality begins to set in. So do anger, fear and depression. This stage lasts the longest because you are not only dealing with the finality of the relationship, but also what you need to do to get through it. It's a process that involves cutting ties with the person before you can grab the rope and pull yourself forward. Dr. Munro has found that if you spent a number of years together, and the person was important to you, you can still be grieving for approximately one year -- even if you were the one who initiated the break up. And in the case of longer relationships, it may take even more time.

Acceptance begins in this stage. The light at the end of the tunnel begins to shine a little bit brighter. You no longer fantasize about reconciling with your ex. In fact, you've been going on with your life without giving your ex much thought. Your life becomes more focused on family, friends and your job. You may still have that feeling of sadness for the loss of the relationship, but that's normal. It's important not to be hard on yourself for having those emotions. In this stage, you've pulled yourself together and you are not as angry or hurt as before. Slowly, you are moving on.

If you have thoughts of harming yourself or your ex, consult your doctor or a clinical therapist immediately.

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