How to Live With an Avoidant Personality Type

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by social withdrawal and avoidance of most social situations, with a sensitivity to criticism. Those who suffer from the disorder struggle with all social situations, may have low self-esteem and tend to isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Living with someone who has avoidant personality disorder can be frustrating and an uphill battle, as the well person in the relationship may feel constricted. With or without treatment of the disorder, it is possible to cohabitate with someone with avoidant personality disorder, provided a few ground rules are followed.

Instructions

Learn to set boundaries. If you live with someone who suffers from avoidant personality disorder, you may be tempted to give in to the other person's wishes and isolate yourself from society. This is part of the disorder that is often used as a control tactic. Follow the "51 percent rule," meaning at least 51 percent of the time you always consider your own needs before putting someone else's first.

Separate your stuff from their stuff. My Stuff/Your Stuff is a psychological defense tactic you can use to remind yourself what you are really responsible for. You did not cause another person to have a disorder and you are not responsible for negative situations they may create for themselves. Many people who suffer from avoidant personality practice "learned helplessness" and will expect you to fix problematic situations. Gently remind them that everyone is responsible for their own actions.

Suggest treatment for the individual. The avoidant personality sufferer may be emphatically against treatment for themselves. If they do elect for therapy, support them in this endeavor. If they do not elect for therapy, it is impossible to try to force them into treatment. Be as supportive as possible while keeping yourself top priority.

Look for social support for yourself. Try to find a support group in which others are cohabitating with personality-disordered people. If you are unable to find one, keep a journal of your thoughts and activities, particularly outlining the home situation. You will need to express resentment and emotions somehow, safely and away from the disordered individual.

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