How to Deal with a Girlfriend's Criticisms

Criticism is not fun to hear, particularly when it comes from a girlfriend. Before you throw your hands up and toss in the towel on the relationship, try this logical approach to dealing with negative feedback. At the very least, you will learn communication skills that are useful for both personal and professional relationships. At most, you can strengthen the bond between you and your girlfriend and practice a positive way to resolve future issues that arise.

Instructions

Take a deep breath. Rather than dismissing it as a baseless complaint, think about what your girlfriend is saying. Take yourself out of it and try to understand the complaint from her point of view. You are exhibiting a behavior that she does not like and you are doing it often enough that she is bringing it to your attention. .

Do not argue with your girlfriend over the absoluteness or the validity of the statement. In lodging her complaint, she may have used an absolute qualifier such as never, always, all or none. "We never go out" or "You always talk over me." Ignore the qualifier. Strip the complaint down to its essentials. Arguing over the words does little to deal with the issue.

Reframe the complaint as an opportunity. Before you respond, listen for comprehension and appreciate the chance to communicate honestly. You may not like the message, but before you take aim at the messenger, turn the complaint into a request in your head. "We never go out" becomes "I would like us to do more things outside the house."

Paraphrase the criticism to your girlfriend in more positive terms. Use "I" language. "I hear you saying that you would like me to let you finish your thought before I begin speaking. Is that right?" Resist the urge to defend yourself.

Ask for more information. When do you exhibit the undesirable behavior? How does it make her feel? What would need to happen for her to feel that the situation is resolved? Try to listen objectively.

Ask yourself what you are willing to do. Now that you have discussed the issue calmly, determine your course of action. If you want to deal with your behaviors, decide whether you can do it on your own. It may help to talk to a parent, a friend, your minister or a professional counselor. Or, you can make a commitment to change and ask your girlfriend to hold you accountable for following through. For example, if you interrupt her while she is talking, ask her to gently bring it to your attention.

Tell her how you plan to resolve her complaint. If you must explain, for example, why you don't go out much, now is the time. But only explain what really needs to be explained. If you don't go out because you need to save money, enlist her help in finding inexpensive things to do. Put your plan into action.

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