If your boyfriend is in trouble, it's important to gain a clear picture of why you are dating a guy who needs to be rescued in the first place. It's an understandable situation if the two of you were already dating when things in his life took a sudden wrong turn, but if part of what drew you to your man in the beginning was his neediness, you may be playing out the role of the rescuer in relationships. Either way, make sure you don't sacrifice yourself completely in the process of giving your guy a helping hand.
Instructions
- 1
Express your own needs. If you spend all of your energy on saving your guy, you'll end up emotionally drained and feeling neglected. Helping someone else doesn't mean you stop looking out for your own well-being. Neglecting yourself will ultimately lead to conflict in your relationship.
2Set boundaries and enforce limits. The hallmark of codependency is an addiction to helping someone else or feeling needed. If you care about your boyfriend, there will probably be times that you go above and beyond to lend him an ear or a hand. If your relationship shows signs of codependency, you may be dropping everything because he always seems to need you. Decide when and how often it is acceptable to you for him to unburden himself on you.
3Stop making excuses for his behavior. You are not responsible for his problems. If your boyfriend is chronically depressed or suffering from addiction, rescuing him repeatedly is not the best way to help him with his problems. It's okay to be supportive, but he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet to truly conquer his issues.
4Encourage him to seek help. Due to male social conditioning, guys are less likely to seek counseling for emotional issues and may even have trouble identifying their own feelings. Let him know that you're behind him when it comes to talking it out with someone who can help.
5Avoid perpetuating the same pattern in a future relationship. A healthy relationship can thrive even in tough times, but a codependent relationship that is based on unresolved issues and unmet needs is usually headed for disaster.
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