How to End the Cycle of Codependency

Codependency is when you feel overly responsible for other people. It is most visible in romantic relationships, but it it can occur in essentially any relationship, from friendship to family relationships. It stems from insecurity that manifests itself in a need to be needed; it is when you make the relationships you are in more important than your own well-being. Breaking the cycle of codependency is not easy, but it is not impossible. It also doesn't happen overnight. You need to take deliberate steps every day that will eventually result in the shedding of your codependency.

Instructions

Begin attending Codependents Anonymous (CoDA) meetings. This will give you the support and the listening ear you need to break your codependency cycle. By working through the 12 steps and hearing other peoples' stories of codependency, you will find it easier to make changes in your life.

Stop tolerating abuse, mistreatment and generally negative behavior from the people you are codependent on. This may seem hard because you're so afraid to lose them, so start small. If you have a boyfriend who constantly has you wait on him, start breaking the cycle by telling him to take his own plate to the dishwasher.

Set more boundaries in your relationships. You don't have to cause a big scene when you do this, but rather just make it clear what you will and will not accept. If you've been dating a guy who consistently comes over at 2:00 a.m., tell him that you would prefer that he come over before 10:00 so you can spend some time together. Then, when he calls at 2:00 a.m., don't pick up the phone.

Tell the people you are codependent on how you feel wronged by them. You will likely have to cut some of them out of your life; it is important that they know why you are doing so. Talking to them also gives them an opportunity to change their behavior.

Cut negative people from your life. Some people prey on codependent people, forming relationships that are selfish and take advantage of the codependent person. Once you start setting boundaries, you will see who these people are. They do not deserve to be in your life, so cut them out. This action doesn't have to be dramatic, but it does need to be clear. Just stop answering the phone, stop meeting for coffee, and stop spending time with these negative influences.

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