How to Break Through Someone's Fear of Intimacy

A fear of intimacy can be caused through many different life experiences and ideas about gender roles, relationships and love. While a fear of intimacy can make it difficult to maintain an emotionally deepening relationship, it's not necessarily a rare condition for a person to experience in some form. While it's possible to gradually reduce a person's fear of intimacy over time, complete and effective removal of this anxiety could take years of consistent work.

Instructions

Communicate your feelings regularly toward your partner. It's possible that your partner is misinterpreting your mood or behavior, so it's important to clarify this to build strong foundations of communication. This will also provide you with a forum to discuss specific instances where your partner's fear of intimacy is affecting the relationship, enabling him to accurately understand and appreciate how his actions affect you.

Encourage your partner to talk you through situations where he feels uncomfortable. As soon as he feels fear or anxiety, take some "time out" and talk about what triggered the feelings. By doing this, you and your partner may begin to recognize certain "triggers" that can aggravate feelings of fear.

Discuss how your partner perceives typical relationship and gender roles. It's possible that your partner may have certain presumptions about "typical" relationship behavior that causes worry about increasing intimacy; for example, he may believe that an intimate relationship with his partner requires cutting off contact with other friends from his social life.

Practice compassion and patience. Ask questions about your partner's past and the possible roots for his anxieties and fear; this may allow you to empathize more with his feelings, increasing the level of understanding and communication between the two of you.

Celebrate small breakthroughs with positive reinforcement. For example, if your partner is often anxious about holding hands, let him know how happy it made you on occasions when he's able to do so.

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