The History of Courtship

How do I love thee? Why do I love thee? Throughout civilization, males and females have been elated, vexed and confused by the rituals imposed by society for them to find a worthy partner. This article shares how the notion of courtship evolved.

Once upon a time, females had a lot less choice about the males with whom they'd exchange vows. Brides were often abducted by neighboring tribes, betrothed to foreign nobles as part of a package deal to increase their kingdom's power and net worth, or presented by their parents at lavish debutante balls to which a select number of eligible--and socially appropriate--suitors had been invited. An unwed daughter in earlier centuries was considered a liability to her family as opposed to an asset in a husband's household where she could either add to the coffers with a generous dowry or do a full share of the work. The emergence of chivalry during the Middle Ages brought forth the courtly practice of wooing one's intended with love poems, music and acts of bravery to prove one's desirability as a mate. Not until World War I did women come to realize they had more options available. Courtship gifts aside, it was the new-found freedom to be able to choose someone for love instead of necessity that made the ritual priceless.

Prior to medieval times, courtship wasn't so much the interaction between two people of the opposite sex as it was the negotiation that took place between their respective families. Young people were not believed to have the wits to make a smart match for themselves, but also the good the community--be it a humble village or a full-fledged monarchy--took precedence over any happiness of the individual. The engagement of a toddler princess to a king in his 20s wasn't uncommon, especially if the announcement helped establish a mutually advantageous liaison that would scare their respective enemies. The modern objectives of courtship, now known as dating, take the view that it's the individuals' love for one another that should override whatever the world-at-large wants. The dating process is a trial period to get to know each other's likes and dislikes and determine whether there's enough common ground to move the relationship toward something permanent.

For some people, "love at first sight" means exactly that; why bother to search further when your heart, mind and soul are telling you that you've just found "the one"? For others, courtship can take from a few weeks to several months to even several years. The reasons for procrastination can include such things as opposition by family members, financial hardship, work and travel schedules that impact the ability to date, reluctance to merge assets, reluctance to lose independence or wishful thinking that someone better might come along. For true romantics, the notion of courtship doesn't end after both sides say "I do"; it's an ongoing affirmation that one's partner is loved, treasured and respected.

Typical elements of courtship include: flowers, chocolates, dates to the movies, dining out or having a home-cooked meal by candlelight, foot massages, love letters and cards, remembering special occasions like her birthday, long walks, asking questions, listening to the answers, talking on the phone, asking his opinion, playing board games, meeting for drinks or coffee, taking an interest in the things that interest her, and being a friend before you become a lover. While anyone can be scintillating for a three-hour date or over the course of a getaway weekend--especially if it's in a glamorous setting--a lot of people can't keep up their best behavior indefinitely. Dating someone over a period of time allows you to see them at their worst and to decide if they're being sick, grumpy, bored, angry, tired, or clumsy is something you can handle in the long term. Dating offers extraordinary experiences; real life, however, generally resides in an ordinary realm.

Courtship allows individuals the time and the chance to build a foundation that's based on friendship and "like." While many couples dive straight into lust early in the dating, the chances of that relationship being sustainable over time are diminished if the only attraction is purely physical. This can be contrasted to an earlier era in which consummation was usually the last step in the courtship process to fulfilled.

To paraphrase a popular saying, anything that's going to be worth having has to be worth waiting--and working--for. Unfortunately, our "instant now" society tends to not see waiting and working as desirable investments, especially in affairs of the heart. Text-messaging has replaced the thoughtfulness and care that once went into the composition of love letters and poetry, while events such as speed-dating at clubs have turbocharged what used to be a slow, romantic dance of getting to know a potential partner. Instead of weeks of dating, meeting the family, and sharing opinions, many of today's singles have determined they'd rather spend 10 minutes or less sizing up strangers over drinks than spend the time and money to build a mutual foundation of respect. Likewise, the proliferation of companies such as eHarmony, Match.com and It's Just Lunch have reduced what used to be the excitement of accidental discovery to a surgical level of electronic matchmaking that simply tallies up compatibility scores and produces a candidate pool. As another popular saying wisely warns, "Easy come, easy go."

Archaeology - The Study of Human History
archaeology.about.com
Archaeology at About.com is all about the nuts and bolts of how we came to be human, from our ancient human ancestors until the latest garbology project. Here you'll ...
The Discovery of Global Warming - A History
www.aip.org/history/climate
The history of research on climate change from the 19th century to the present, told in a set of hyperlinked essays
1 -- History of the Universe Made Easy (Part 1) - YouTube
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wg1fs6vp9Ok
Forget gods and goblins, here is the real story of how we know the extent of our universe in time and space. Throw away all those religious books and look ...
Dating - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dating
Dating is a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as a partner in an intimate ...
Brief History of of Palestine, Israel and the Israeli Palestinian ...
www.mideastweb.org/briefhistory.ht
A Brief History of Israel, Palestine and the Arab-Israeli Conflict (Israeli-Palestinian Conflict) from ancient times to the current events of the peace process and ...
Home page of History.org : The Colonial Williamsburg
www.history.org
The official Colonial Williamsburg history and citizenship site featuring colonial history, research, podcasts, teacher resources, kid's games, and support the ...
Food Timeline: food history research service
www.foodtimeline.org
Food Timeline: food history reference & research service. Ever wonder how the ancient Romans fed their armies? What the pioneers cooked along the Oregon Trail?
Medieval History - Life in the Middle Ages and Renaissance
historymedren.about.com
Comprehensive directory of medieval art, literature, music, philosophy, history, religion, science and militaria, and the individuals who made it all happen.
Controversy over the use of CE and BCE to identify dates in history
www.religioustolerance.org/ce.htm
Web site policies Menu Controversy over the use of the "CE/BCE" and "AD/BC" dating notation. Sponsored link. Overview: CE usually stands for "Common Era."
History of India - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_India
The history of India begins with evidence of human activity of Homo sapiens, as long as 75,000 years ago, or with earlier hominids including Homo erectus from about ...
Timeline of galactic history - Wookieepedia, the Star Wars Wiki
starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Timeline
This is a timeline of galactic history recording the galaxy's more important events. All dates...
The Million Dollar Homepage - Own a piece of internet history!
www.milliondollarhomepage.com
The website of Alex Tew, a 21-year-old entrepreneur, who hopes to pay his way through university by selling 1 million pixels of internet ad space for $1 each.
History of Feminism For a truer understanding of the history of ...
historyoffeminism.com
Feminism exists as a defender of the selfish sexual and reproductive interests of aging and/or unattractive women. This is its entire raison detre, the reason it ...
UH - Digital History
www.digitalhistory.uh.edu
Enhances history teaching and research through primary sources, an online textbook, extensive reference resources, and interactive materials.
The Streets of Parkhead - Parkhead History, Glasgow Scotland
parkheadhistory.com/?page_id=1483
Copyright : Peter W. Mortimer. Alma Street. A short dog-legged street that ran off Camlachie Street. It was named after the Battle of Alma, which took place in ...
France, 18001900 A.D. Heilbrunn Timeline of Art History The ...
www.metmuseum.org/toah/ht/?period=10®ion=euwf
At the turn of the nineteenth century, France is governed by Napoleon as First Consul. As emperor, Napoleon sanctions the Neoclassical style, embodied in the art of ...
The Bowery Boys: New York City History
theboweryboys.blogspot.com
This unusual story appeared at the bottom of the front page of the New York World newspaper in July 17, 1913:
True History of Islam, Mohammed and the Koran
bibleprobe.com/muhammad.htm
The true dark History of Islam and Mohammed. What PBS and Time Magazine will never show. From Muslim Historians back till the 8th century AD.
The Metropolitan Museum of Art - The Cloisters Museum and Gardens
www.metmuseum.org/about-the-museum/history-of-the-museum/the...
Since its opening in 1938, The Cloisters has become a treasured landmark, celebrated for both its extraordinary setting and its world-class collection of medieval art ...