How to Rework My Relationship With My Ex

If you break up with someone, you may have to see him on a regular basis. You may work with him, have children with him or be involved in the same sport, volunteer effort or other extracurricular activity with him. It is not always reasonable to just cut these things out of your life, so you need to follow a few key steps in order to rework your relationship with your ex and make it easier to get along with him on a day-to-day basis.

Instructions

Think about what kind of breakup you had and assess whether having a relationship with your ex now is worth it. If it wasn't very complicated and there aren't any lingering doubts or hard feelings, then you can probably carry on a relationship as friends. If, on the other hand, there was drama or something negative, then you should probably move on with your life and avoid your ex if it's possible.

Establish what kind of relationship you want with your ex. This is harder than it looks -- a vague "I want to get along" is not enough. Do you want to get back together? Do you want some kind of revenge by keeping her in your life while dating other people? Do you just want a professional relationship with a woman with whom you used to work? You need to clearly define exactly what kind of relationship you want in order to build toward that relationship with your ex.

Forgive your ex for any past slights. It's not productive to have a relationship with your ex while also harboring a grudge or ill will toward him; if you can't let these feelings go, you shouldn't interact with your ex at all. What's more, you likely expect forgiveness from your ex, and the best way to get forgiveness is to give forgiveness.

Use a third party, like a mutual friend or family member, to mediate, especially during the initial stages of your reworking. This doesn't mean relaying messages through someone else, but rather just having someone sit with you while you negotiate with your ex about what the terms of your new relationship will be.

Be cordial at all times. This means being polite and avoiding any negative encounters, double meanings or passive-aggressiveness. Basically, you need to treat your ex like a friend you've just met. You're not close enough to tell him to chew with his mouth shut any more, and you need to remember this in order to maintain a good relationship.

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