How to Build a Friendship After a Breakup

Staying friends with your ex after a breakup may seem like a counterproductive idea at first. You are ending a close relationship for a specific reason, so becoming friends afterward might not be your first thought. Yet you may want to keep your ex-partner in your life for a variety of reasons. Rebuilding that friendship will take patience and careful considerations from both you and your ex-partner. Find a way to work out your differences if you want your ex to continue to be an important part of your life. Remember that not all exes can remain friends, but you can always try.

Instructions

Give the breakup time to be processed by both you and your ex. Both of you need time to work through emotions about each other and the situation you are in. Waiting at least a month or two is an ideal time before building a friendship, but the length of the wait depends on how each person feels.

Start small and slow. Rebuild a relationship from the traits you have in common, but on a different level. Go for coffee or lunch and keep the conversation light. Avoid talking about the breakup, as that is not the purpose of meeting up. Talk about neutral topics, such as work, family or friends or a television show you both enjoy watching.

Set clear boundaries about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in the relationship. This means setting limits on phone calls, texting, showing up unannounced at your house or any type of interaction a boyfriend would have but a friend might not.

Establish what is comfortable for both of you in terms of the frequency and the topics of communication. For example, you may not feel comfortable talking to him about your new relationships or may not want to hear about his. This is the kind of boundary that needs to be set from the beginning and periodically reinforced.

Avoid any type of romantic encounters, including innocent ones such as kiss on the cheek or a hug. This could trigger old feelings in either one of you and set you up for a negative experience. The idea of being friends means removing that emotional component from your relationship. Keep it strictly business to avoid any problems or complications in your friendship.

Do not feel guilty once you start dating again. A true friend would be pleased about you and your new relationship, so if your ex gives you a hard time about dating someone else, it could indicate he still has feelings for you. Take a step back and evaluate if both of you are ready to be in a friendship should this happen. It might be that you just aren't meant to be friends.

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