When your boyfriend is secure with himself and with his relationship with you, you'll better be able to maintain a healthy relationship. If your boyfriend is controlling and insecure, however, you will not only encounter problems in your relationship, you may also lose your identity and become alienated from your friends and family. When this happens, you must ask yourself if you're willing to endure constant heartbreak even if your boyfriend claims he loves you.
He Always Asks Where You Are
If your boyfriend always wants to know where you're going and with whom, it's likely that he's becoming too controlling and is trying to isolate you. For example, if your boyfriend knows you're going to your sister's dinner party but constantly calls and texts you while you're there, he's demonstrating that he doesn't trust you and that he's selfish.
He Depends Too Heavily on You
A boyfriend's overdependence on you to meet his emotional and physical needs is a sign of control. If he says things like, "I don't know what I would do if we ever broke up" or "Your happiness is my top priority," be careful. While these statements may sound sincere, he could be manipulating you into doing what he wants.
You Spend Less Time with Family and Friends
If you used to make time with your parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, but you're now spending more time with your boyfriend than with them, there's a chance that he's becoming too controlling. Your boyfriend may even suggest that you spend too much time with your friends and family even though you know it's not true. He does this to make you feel guilty about not being with him. He may even threaten to break up with you because he thinks you're not devoted enough to him.
He Doesn't Respect Your Wishes or Concerns
If you're always going to the restaurants or concerts that he chooses but he won't take interest in the things you like to do, then he's showing you that he doesn't care about what you want or like. Or if your boyfriend often hangs out with his friends but doesn't feel you should spend time with yours, this is a form of control.
He's Emotionally or Physically Abusive
Another way your boyfriend may control you is through emotional or physical abuse. He may tell you that he's the only one who can love and protect you or that no one else will want you or put up with you. If verbal abuse becomes physical abuse, don't wait for him to change. He won't. Instead, wait for a time when you know he won't be home for awhile, and then quickly pack only those items that are absolutely essential. Call a friend or relative to pick you up. Don't go back, and don't answer his phone calls or text messages. Find a safe place to stay where he can't find you, and call your local women's shelter for help.
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