How to Work out Unresolved Issues From a Previous Relationship

Relationships are complicated, and they can impact many different areas of your life. Often times, you may experience the end of a relationship only to feel a sense of unresolved issues and a lack of satisfactory closure. While there are different strategies for achieving this closure, the most direct is normally the most effective; it can be beneficial to speak to your former partner to work out unresolved issues.

Instructions

Write down several thoughts and feelings that are related to your previous relationship. Ideally, you should brainstorm the feelings you've had that have given you the most personal difficulty. The process of writing these down can provide you with some relief. This practice will also give you ideas about what topics to discuss when meeting your former partner.

Arrange to meet your former partner for a conversation. It can be beneficial to specifically let him know that your conversation will be about achieving closure, because this will allow you both to be equally prepared and ready to discuss the subject.

Discuss what you'd both like to achieve from the conversation. This can help give the conversation a sense of structure and it reinforces why the meeting is necessary.

Allow positive reminiscing and sharing of happy memories. This gets the conversation started on a positive note and demonstrates that you lack animosity toward your former partner. It also demonstrates that you both have respect for one another within the context of a relationship, and that you don't hold the opinion that your ex was terrible to be with.

Tell your former partner how he has affected your life. This should be an honest summary of how he has influenced you and made an impact on you throughout your former relationship.

Avoid placing blame about the ending of the relationship. This can be difficult, especially if you and your former partner didn't end on positive terms. However, even if he starts to become negative, don't be tempted to lose your calm.

Bring up other issues that you'd like to talk through. These will be specific to your relationship, but will often revolve around the topics you previously wrote down in Step 1.

Say goodbye formally. Even if you and your former partner will still see each other occasionally, it's important to give a final "farewell" to your relationship. This can achieve a huge level of closure, and can be one of the most valuable reasons for meeting with your ex.

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