Signs That the Relationship Is on the Decline

Something is telling you your relationship is on the decline. A look, a hurtful remark, a failure to follow through can be indicators your partner is disengaging from you. Robin Ann Barry analyzed the psychological dynamics of how romantic relationships dissolve in a 2010 study at the University of Iowa. She describes the direct and indirect communication strategies people use to end their relationships. Originally identified by Iowa communications professor Leslie A. Baxter, these strategies are clear signs a relationship is in trouble.

The most direct and clear indication a relationship is over is when one of the partners says it is. Dubbed by Baxter the "fait accompli" -- French for "already done" -- this is a clear communication from one partner to the other of the desire to end the relationship, leaving no opportunity to debate the decision. From the outside, this might seem an obvious indicator a relationship is over, but for the partner who is still engaged within the relationship, it might not be. Sometimes it takes several of these conversations for reality to sink in and to accept that things are not going to work out.

Your girlfriend announces the dreaded phrase: "We have to talk." While one partner calling for a state-of-the-relationship talk could signal an honest attempt to work on resolving problems in the relationship with discussion and compromise, it is also commonly a direct way for one partner to begin the conversation communicating a desire to end the relationship.

Your boyfriend used to pick up the phone right away, but now your calls to him go straight to voice mail. When you ask your girlfriend why she seems so distant lately, she replies, "No reason," and is annoyed by the question. When one partner is withdrawing, the other feels shut out and finds it difficult to communicate. The withdrawal strategy is designed to reduce contact and intimacy. It is an indirect way of avoiding the partner and a sure sign the relationship is in trouble.

Your girlfriend tells you that she's too tired and breaks a date, but you know she hasn't been too tired to go out every night this past week with friends. Your boyfriend tells you he needs more "personal space." The indirect communication strategy called "pseudo-de-escalation" tells your partner indirectly of your wish to decrease intimacy in the relationship. This is frequently done by asking for more time alone or more time spent with friends.

Acting up, picking a fight and purposely causing an argument are indirect ways to communicate a relationship is on the decline. Bad behavior is designed to push a partner away and make her rethink the benefits of being involved. Baxter dubs this strategy "cost escalation."

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