How to Stop Attracting the Wrong People

Attracting the wrong people can result from a number of possibilities that skew your judgment. Common causes include personal dilemmas, lack of communication or common interests, or rushing relationships. Understanding yourself, setting clear expectations, and placing emphasis on traits that go beyond surface deep help you attract the right people versus the wrong ones. Discussing goals and interests while dating at the beginning of a relationship prevents you from falling into the same pattern of attracting the wrong people. Getting to know the other person allows you to make an educated decision on whether this person will have a positive or negative influence on your life.

Instructions

Create a list of common personality traits, behaviors or habits that you have noticed as problematic in past relationships. Circle the characteristics that show a similar trend in the type of people you attract. This helps you understand and avoid repeating the same mistake.

Ask yourself why you tend to attract the wrong people. Write down specifics about yourself that pertain to problematic personal issues that can impair judgment, such as insecurity, neediness or substance abuse. Note solutions to how you can solve these problems, such as speaking with a therapist, discontinuing substance use, exercising, or finding a hobby.

Think back to how and where you met past dates. Write the circumstances such as who you were hanging out with, who introduced you, and the setting in which you met. This is important because some places are not conducive to dating, and friends may pick a person that appeals to them more than to you.

Write a list of personality traits that you desire in another person. Number these positive traits in order of importance. Desirable traits may include humorous, responsible, intelligent, respectful, family-oriented, adventurous and independent.

Add a list of relationship expectations that you have from yourself and the other person involved in the relationship. Ideas of things your want to gain from a relationship can include love, friendship, open communication, trust, financial stability, religious similarities, marriage and children. Reread this when entering into your next relationship to remind yourself of your relationship goals.

Create a list of activities that you enjoy and that are favorable toward conversation and getting to know a person. Include surroundings that make you feel comfortable, so you can be yourself, and that provide a fun atmosphere. Options include dining out, meeting for coffee, going to a sporting event or enjoying outdoor recreation such as hiking, skiing, golfing or swimming.

Go on multiple dates with a person if you feel a spark after the first date. Talk with the other person and ask questions pertaining to his or her likes and dislikes, relationship goals, and things that hold importance in his or her life. Introduce the person to your family and friends to get their opinions. Assess whether or not the person is a match for you.

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