Love and sex are not the sole preserves of the young or the middle-aged. Reaching your twilight years can be a time of emotional, financial and philosophical freedom, when you can live each day as it comes, and seize opportunities for love and happiness in both hands rather than ignore them as being no longer relevant or necessary.
In their book "Choices in Relationships: An Introduction to Marriage and the Family," the authors Knox and Schacht note that most elders stay loyal to the memory of spouses who have passed on, and that new relationships do not replace those memories. Reassured that no one can ever replace a loved spouse can free you up to be open to the possibility of meeting interesting and attractive partners in later years; it's a celebration of everything that is good about life and living. Keeping your spirit alive is key to reaching your full potential as a friend, a companion or a lover.
Instructions
- 1
Love yourself. That means accepting who you are, honoring your life's achievements, however big or small they may seem to you, and taking care of your physical and emotional well-being. You tell your children and grandchildren that unless they love themselves they will not know true love; you can live by that advice, too, and be open to what the universe will send your way.
2Lead as full a life as you're able. Connect with people of all ages and challenge yourself with new ideas. Stay abreast of the news and share your opinions. Be interested, and be interesting. Be complete as a person; finding a partner whom you can love and who loves you in return, is an added bonus to life and not an end in itself. You can retain your independence and continue to live your life as usual, and there is no need to compromise on that if you find love in a new relationship.
3Take the initiative and approach interesting people at social gatherings. Don't be shy. No matter whether your personality is open or reserved, you can connect with new people and take advantage of your years to be confident and self-assured. Be active in your community and support others who may need a little encouragement to involve themselves in what's going on. Not only will this strengthen your confidence and give you a sense of achievement, but you will meet more people and therefore increase the likelihood of meeting a man who will be attracted to you.
In an article published in The Telegraph in 2008, entitled "A Million Male Pensioners Live Alone, says Help the Aged," the charity reported that more than one million men of pensionable age were living alone in Britain and that over half of them described themselves as lonely. It is they, rather than women, who find it difficult to reconnect with friends after the death of a spouse, so it is women who can help them resocialize and to become active members of society again.
4Take care of your appearance. Respecting yourself enough to dress and groom yourself well attracts notice and appreciation. If you have an infirmity, this will in no way detract from a positive image, and your confidence will show in your bearing, your smile and your personality. Hold your head up and meet life head on with dignity.
Being comfortable in your skin is in itself an attractive trait in anyone. Everyone has ailments and physical difficulties to cope with in later years, but that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy life and live each day to the best of your ability.
5Contact a dating agency for seniors and embrace seeing who is available and fun. There is no stigma attached to dating agencies; professional men and women use them to find suitable partners if their high-flying lives prevent them from having a normal social life. You can take your time and respond to someone or not; the choice is entirely in your hands and you do not have to contact someone if you prefer not to.
If you choose to meet up with someone, make sure that it is somewhere public and safe. Tell a friend or a family member where you are going and what time you will be expected back. This is a simple safety precaution and is one that anyone out on a date for the first few times is best advised to do.
6Look for singles clubs and organizations and go along to see if they suit you. You can use the opportunity to brush up on your social skills if you need to, and you do not need to pursue any friendships if you don't yet feel comfortable. Use these meetings to share time with both sexes and to give yourself somewhere fun to go on a regular basis.
You may prefer to take a friend along so that you have moral support, and that's a perfectly reasonable way of easing your way into new situations. You may also find it easier to talk to people if you are with a friend; you won't feel isolated or in the spotlight if people come across to talk to you.
Many of these clubs run day or weekend trips for seniors, and sometimes overseas visits. These are a fun way of developing deeper friendships and spending time with people with whom you have interests in common. You are also more likely to attract a new man who shares your interests, and with whom you can chat over a longer period of time than a couple of hours at a club, knowing that you are with other people if safety is an issue for you.
7Knowing what you want from a relationship in your later years is key to finding happiness with a new partner. Knox and Schacht note that marriage is not always the goal of someone seeking love and companionship. Instead, it appears that seniors may prefer to live apart to retain their independence and their own lives, but choose to share some of their time with a partner. Others may choose to live together rather than get married.
There are no restrictions on the practicalities of maintaining a loving relationship with a new partner, and there are considerable benefits to your health and well-being in loving and being loved rather than living with loneliness.
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