Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Teen Boys & Dating Violence

Teen Boys & Dating Violence

Fortunately, most teens do not experience dating violence. However, the U.S. Department of Justice calculates that as of 2007, 10 percent of adolescents who'd been in relationships admitted that their partner had become physically abusive. Though with many teen relationships both parties act aggressively, the victims of physical abuse are disproportionately female. Teenage boys who act violently are rarely tried as adults for their actions, and often carry this destructive behavior into adulthood.

Influence

    Teens learn violence from video games.
    Teens learn violence from video games.

    According to the American Psychological Association, violent video games can contribute to violent and negative behavior. Those who play video games extensively are practicing violence as a skill, and without thinking, may use this learned behavior. Though teenage boys may be exposed to violence in movies and on television, video games are particularly harmful, as the player himself is purposely causing harm to kill or hurt a character. Over time, teenagers become desensitized and can see violence as a way of life.

Power

    Teen couples are relatively equal.
    Teen couples are relatively equal.

    Many people become violent in relationships to assert their power. In adult relationships and marriages in particular, there is typically a division of labor. Men and women find themselves responsible for different duties--making money, caring for the home and children and even running errands. However, with adolescent relationships, nothing needs to be accomplished. Teenage boys do not have the opportunity to act as a provider, and in many teen relationships, girls are reported as the ones in power. Quite in balance with this theory, the U.S. Dept. of Justice has found that the majority of males who reported violence (or were reported as being violent) also perceived themselves as the one in the relationship with less power.

Coping

    Teens are not as equipped as adults to handle crises.
    Teens are not as equipped as adults to handle crises.

    Teenage boys do not have the same life experience or coping mechanisms that grown men do. Whereas an adult man might have learned to think rationally, a teenage boy is more likely to act from his gut. Additionally instead of reacting appropriately to a crisis--talking through trouble or even stepping away to calm down--a teenage boy might act impulsively, even using physical force without thinking about consequences. Dr James Garbarino, Ph.D., discusses these issues in his book "Lost Boys: Why our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them."

Learned Behavior

    An abandoned child may have trouble handling overwhelming emotions.
    An abandoned child may have trouble handling overwhelming emotions.

    Violence can start for a variety of reasons, but it never comes out of nowhere. Unfortunately, many learn about violence at home. There are several situations that contribute to violence in teenage boys. Some teenage boys watch parents being abusive toward one another. Sometimes one parent abandons a family, leaving teenagers angry, sad and confused. And there are teenagers who simply suffer from depression or other disorders that affect their mood and behavior. The American Psychological Association ultimately believe that teen violence statistics can be helped by psychological intervention.

Prevention and Help

    Teens should know where to get help.
    Teens should know where to get help.

    Violence does not occur in every relationship, but it is 100 percent avoidable. Unfortunately, some teenagers grow up to believe that it's acceptable to be physically aggressive with their partners. This is particularly true of teens who see violence in their own homes. The key to prevention is education and providing resources for teens in abusive relationships to get help. Teachers should note signs of abuse and intervene as necessary.



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Tuesday, May 30, 2017

How Does a Relationship Survive Hard Times?

Easy Times, Hard Times In Relationships

    Rarely does an intimate relationship start off badly. Almost every relationship starts on a positive note, with the couple attracted to each other for whatever reason. Each person can spend endless amounts of time trying to impress each other, show the good side and hide what could be perceived as "bad" habits. But at some point and time there will be conflict. Sometimes that conflict can manifest in unexpected ways, like temper tantrums, silent treatments and end-of-the-world statements said after the smallest of conflicts. So how do you get through those tough times and preserve the relationship? This article will explain some areas to explore when you find yourself in those hard times.

Stress, Life Changes In Relationships

    Stress is often the go-to word when arguments and conflicts seem to arise out of thin air. Everyone goes through stress, yet some people just haven't had a good outlet. But when a couple becomes intimate, it can seem like one person feels like they can "vent" to the other. But that venting doesn't always come out as venting.
    Look into any major life changes since before things got rough and see if that could be the source of the stress. Did your partner get a new job with more responsibility? Are you not spending the time you normally would? If you are the aggressor in the conflict, have your normal stress outlets been halted, i.e. the guy's night out or bowling night? Life changes can change attitudes. By examining those changes you can confront them instead of each other.

Religious Help and Other Sources

    Religion can play a part when it comes to getting out of the hard times in a relationship. If you normally go to church or participate in a Bible study or Koran study and it hasn't been happening, you may want to pick it up where you left off. It can be easy to deviate from a spiritual base with the busy lifestyles we lead. If you have relied on a spiritual or religious lifestyle to keep yourselves afloat, getting back to it can possibly bring you closer together. Don't be afraid to change your religious settings, either. Simply attending any church on Sunday doesn't necessarily mean your marriage will get better. Look to finding one that suits your needs and encourages a similar growth in your spiritual life. For example, if one of you grew up Catholic and are attending a Baptist church simply because your partner is doing it, you may create more rough times than you started out with in your relationship!

    Couples therapy is also an option, whether you are married or just dating. Keep in mind that the therapist isn't there to take sides other than the side of the relationship. Don't go into therapy with a you versus them mentality. It doesn't always pay to be right or the victor in an argument, so no need to pay a therapist money to have the same attitude.

Light At The End Of The Tunnel

    Life, as you know, isn't always easy and it helps to go through it with a partner. Just because you hit rough times doesn't mean it's time to give it up. As long as you are fairly healthy and there is a light at the end of the tunnel, examining where you are, where you were and where you want to be can get your relationship past the obstacles and back into the bliss. All the little steps count. Remember that when all else fails, go back to your roots. What connnected you with that person in the first place? What does/did your partner do to make you happy? Sometimes the only way to move forward is to start at the beginning.



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Monday, May 29, 2017

How to Get Over a Guy From Your Past

It is extremely difficult to get over an ex that you were and maybe still are in love with. If you are determined to move on with your life, you need to get serious about getting over your past relationship. Make a plan of action and stick with it. You have an exciting future ahead of you and it's about time you stopped letting him get in the way.

Instructions

    1

    Mourn the break-up like a death. It can never be revived and it can never return from the grave. The relationship is dead, dead, dead. Allow yourself a small amount of time to grieve for your fallen connection and then put the relationship to rest. You have to mentally commit to leaving your ex in the past, before you start to heal.

    2

    Do not stay friends. In order to heal from a break-up, you can not be confronted with him at every turn. You will never be able to get him out of your head without eliminating his presence in your life. Delete him from you phone. Remove pictures of him from your house. Delete him from any social networking sites you use. Politely decline invites to outings or events that he will be attending.

    If he is a coworker, you obviously will not be able to completely avoid him but you can make small changes to help you get over him. Skip happy hour drinks when he will be there. Keep contact to a minimum and communicate with email instead of in person or phone whenever possible.

    3

    Fill the void he left with an active social life. Getting over a break-up is painful and while the wound is still fresh, being alone at home will only depress you more. Take this opportunity to reconnect with family members and old friends. Go to parties or throw your own party. Go out on dates. If you are not getting asked out, drag a friend to a speed-dating event or out to the bar. Create a rich social life and nurture fulfilling relationships with friends and family.

    You can also add meaning to your life by volunteering. Making a difference in your community will allow you to help others and build your own self-esteem. When you volunteer and make someone's life a little happier, you will add deep meaning and value to your own life. The hole your ex left in your heart will begin to fill with rewarding experiences and connections.



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How to Give a Crush a Gift Without Letting on You Like Him

It's natural for a person to want to lavish gifts on a crush. However, a girl might not be ready for her true feelings to be revealed to said crush, so thought has to be put into a gift. Thought should also be put into how the gift is given.

Instructions

    1

    Wait for an occasion where gift giving will seem like an ordinary occurrence. Christmas or a birthday would be a safe bet. Avoid presenting a gift on Valentine's Day.

    2

    Choose a gift that any person would enjoy, like a gift card for a popular store. A gift that reflects the crush's specific interests will be a red flag that you've been paying him a good deal of attention.

    3

    Wait for an ambiguous opportunity to give your crush the gift. The ideal situation would be a party. For example, if you are at his birthday party, you can simply add your gift to the existing pile and it will not seem a bit out of the ordinary.

    4

    Wait for your crush to approach you regarding the gift. Good manners dictate that he will thank you for your thoughtfulness and let you know what he thought of the present. If you make it a point to single him out and ask him what he thought of your gift, your intentions will be revealed.

    5

    Put a brief and friendly sentiment on the card or tag that goes with the gift. You do not need to do more than extend your best wishes that he enjoys what you picked out for him.

    6

    Don't invest too much money in the gift. A present that is lavish or overly extravagant will be sure to tip him off that you have a bit more than friendship in mind.



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Saturday, May 27, 2017

How to Get a Guy to Dump His Girlfriend

People tend to want things they can't have and will go through several hoops to get it. In the case of relationships, the taken man is a prime example of look, but don't touch. If you think he is the one for you, then there are things you can do to better your chances and help sink his relationship with the other woman.

Instructions

Dumping His Girlfriend

    1

    Create competition. If you want to spark the embers of breakup, you need to create a secondary object of attraction other than the girlfriend. If you want to be the new girlfriend, make yourself prettier than his current girlfriend. Men are visual animals and if you want to make a strong impression, then look sexy. He will definitely notice. Your looks can be your gateway into his circle.

    2

    Become his confidant. If you are going to break up the happy or unhappy couple, you need to know about their relationship. Listen to him and become a welcome ear when he is angry or frustrated. If he believes he can trust you, you can learn about the couple's problems. You can also offer helpful advice, including "Maybe she just isn't right for you."

    3

    Be discreet. If you want a relationship and not just a one-night stand, then be close--but do not do anything to be overtly sexual or to betray your true feelings. If he begins to think you are trying to sabotage his relationship, he may cut off ties with you. Be his friend, flirt a little, but keep your touching and feelings in check. Wait until the girlfriend is out of the picture before you start the heavy flirting.

    4

    Fan the flame of jealousy. Nothing ends a relationship faster than jealousy. You can make a point to be seen with him while she is around or even talk to him while he is with her. Let him introduce you to his girlfriend and the girlfriend will begin to see red. If this goes on long enough, she will mention you to him and he will say you are just friends. An argument will begin and a breakup may not be too far off.

    5

    Feign ignorance. If you can keep this going long enough, eventually the girlfriend will confront you. Men are naturally obtuse when it comes to women and he wouldn't have figured out that you were trying to break up the relationship, but the girlfriend will. She may even confront you with her boyfriend. It is best to play dumb and say you are only being a good friend and that you would never try to steal someone away from a girlfriend. The guy will likely believe you, but the girlfriend will see right through you and get madder and madder. This may be a deal breaker for him--especially if he thinks his girlfriend is going to go crazy every time he has a female friend.



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